Shuck It: I Watch Pearl Parties and I Don’t Care Who Knows

Let’s face it. Moms sometimes get the raw end of the deal. We spend all day with our kids; or all day at work and then come home to our kids; or all day with our kids and then all night at work; or any number of these amazing combinations. We scrub floors and faces, organize calendars and refrigerators, and make lunches and huge decisions.

And I have no problem fessing up: I’m freaking tired! At the end of the day, I just don’t want to think about one more dang thing.

Enter: Pearl Parties.

{Or, Bubble Blaster or Mama June: From Not to Hot or whatever Real Housewives city floats your zoned-out boat.}

I think Pearl Parties are sort of a newer thing (?) and once these parties became a topic of conversation in one of the local chat groups I’m in, I knew I had to share the love.

For the uninitiated, a Pearl Party consists of gaggles of ladies buying pearl-less jewelry, then logging into a Facebook Live feed to watch the Princess of Pearls (that’s not what they’re called, but I totally think they should be) shuck oysters to reveal the pearl that will be set in their jewelry.

Pearl parties have my “trifecta of favorite things” on lock down: They are free, suspenseful and chock FULL of interesting people.

• Watching Pearl Parties costs zero American dollars.

  I’m the first to admit that many of my relaxation methods are far more expensive than zero dollars (um, mindless insta-shopping, pedicures and massages anyone??), so, when I stumbled across this form of entertainment I was pumped. I should disclaim here that I’ve never been tempted to purchase anything – I just have a different style – so if you’re likely to whip out your credit card, this miiiiiiiiight not be up your alley.

• You wouldn’t believe the suspense.

  Which oyster will she pick??? What color will the pearl be??? And the biggest bit of all – WHAT IF {CLUTCH MY PEARLS} THERE ARE TWINS IN THERE?? (Did you see what I did there? Hee, hee.) In many of these parties, you have the option of picking from an array of oysters, describing the type of oyster you’d like to shuck or just letting the Pearl Party proprietor pick. Here’s where some more trade lingo comes in… do you know what a big fatty is? What about a talker, shaker or a red hairy with a crown? Watch a party and I guarantee you’ll learn these terms – and lots more – in no time.

• And finally, the people.

  I mean no disrespect, but quite honestly some people are just RADIO PEOPLE if you catch my drift. I’m TOTALLY not talking about looks here… I’ve seen more bra straps, weird (questionable) stuff in the background and people scratching their backsides than I can count. IN FRONT OF LOTS OF VIEWERS. There’s a girl out of Australia and a couple from somewhere down south that ARE A TRIP. When you factor in the craziness in the streaming contents, you’ve got a show!

Now that I’ve told you my deepest darkest secret {I’m free at last!!!}, what do YOU do to zone out at the end of a long day??