You know that saying that you are the villain in someone else’s story? As much as my people-pleasing self hates it, I believe it’s true. Sometimes it’s because we are healing, we were in a bad place, or we just made bad decisions. Being the villain in someone else’s story doesn’t always mean that we were out to become that villain or be a bad person.
But lately, as I indulge in the internet, specifically TikTok (I know, I know), I am just mind-blown on the level of internet bullying that is just “acceptable.” I watched a whole video of a girl saying “goodnight to everyone except…” and then calling people out for things that do not impact her in any way whatsoever. Then people were praising it!
One that stuck with me, “The girl’s whose entire personality is based on Halloween”…like, who cares? Is something bringing her joy hurting you? Of course, Disney and Harry Potter adults are also being called out these days, and maybe I’m particularly sour about these because I identify as both, but how is what brings me any amount of joy hurting you? Should I feel ashamed that I enjoy watching a Disney movie, bonding with my child over Harry Potter, or frequenting Disney World as often as possible? Because I kinda do, and I imagine other people that were in the video (and many others of internet-shaming) questioned themselves too.
Ever since this revelation, I am seeing it all over the place.
It’s not an outright insult to people directly, it’s not name-calling or targeted in the way that we sometimes think of bullying. I had an elementary school teacher explain to me the difference between children not getting along and outright bullying because one requires extensive paperwork and one doesn’t. But is it really that gray of an area? Is repeatedly bringing someone or a group of people down not bullying, no matter how someone goes about it, directly or indirectly? Is shaming large groups of people to get recognition on the internet not bullying? Are we okay with this because we aren’t seeing the direct impact it could have on others?
Maybe this isn’t a new revelation, but as I have thought about it over these weeks, it seems like this is just socially acceptable. We praise this type of call-out, we laugh along with others, while someone feels targeted and hurt, and focuses too much on the opinion of some person on the internet. No matter how harmless it seems, it just strikes me as a new-age way of shaming other people for being who they are.
I remember as a kid, middle-school specifically, I enjoyed playing video games with my brother. I took a liking to Pokemon on the good ole’ Game Boy Advance and I was pretty good at it, too. One day at cheerleading practice, an older girl on the team went through my bag and was looking at my Game Boy when she pulled out my Pokemon game, and started laughing at me for playing it. My game didn’t hurt her, the joy that it brought me didn’t hurt her, I didn’t hurt her. But she hurt me that day, for no reason at all, other than because I liked something different than she did.
This experience has been a self-check for me; a time to reflect and evaluate if I say or acknowledge things that other people enjoy, that are different than things that I enjoy, and react to them negatively. Am I doing that with friends or in front of my child? I want to teach my child to accept people for who they are, for what they love, in the same way that I want her to love and accept herself. Are we perpetuating a culture of acceptable bullying at home or are we inspiring our kids to love others no matter what they do or don’t like?
I hope we are all kind, all the time. But no one is perfect, and taking a moment of self-reflection to make sure we are always being the best version of ourselves that we can be, makes a huge difference.
