I hung up the phone and cried some more. It stung. I’m not very good at saying “no” to things. I’m a “yes” girl. My dream seemed like it was crumbling. I had my mind set on doing this thing for a while. It was a passion really, so the perfect way to play off of this passion was to turn it into a job.
In 2010, I began a dance aerobics class called Jazzercise. To be quite honest, I hated exercising. After having two children 16 months apart and falling into a pit of apathy about my body, I decided to do something about it in January of that year. I surprised myself and ended up loving it. It was like a mom dance club. I love dancing, and the bonus was that I burned calories doing it. From January to June that year I went on Weight Watchers and did Jazzercise faithfully (5-6 times a week) and dropped six pant sizes.
So you see, Jazzercise was more than just a work out for me: it was life-changing. It reminded me how important it was to take care of myself in every way, especially physically and mentally.
This past fall, I expressed interest in teaching Jazzercise and before I knew it I was hopping on the instructor train. After a whirlwind week, my head was spinning, and I couldn’t think straight. I ended up saying no. Two weeks later an instructor called me and asked me to reconsider and that I could take it at a much slower pace. I still had that desire in my heart to teach, so without a whole lot of thinking I jumped at this second chance and said “yes.” Before I knew it I was practicing routines at home and scheduling a screening. I asked lots of questions and practiced my moves after class with a seasoned instructor (on a side note, I still cannot do a triplet correctly to save my life!).
Then December hit, and I got a weird feeling in my head and heart. I brushed it off as silly since I was so busy during the month of December and reminded myself that the Christmas season was always hectic. I kept wondering things like, “Am I too busy?” and “What would things look like right now if I was teaching Jazzercise too?” After some soul-searching during a trip to Florida after Christmas, I came back and told my mentor that I couldn’t continue in the process to become an instructor.
It broke my heart, but I knew after the conversation was over that I had made the right decision.
Decisions for me used to be easier than they are today. Saying “yes” or “no” to something only affected me or me and my husband. Once I had children, it was a whole new ballgame. Decisions aren’t as easy to make. Instead of affecting two people, they affect five. My first HUGE decision after children came back in 2007 when I resigned from my job to become a stay-at-home mom. Since then, I have been faced with thousands of other decisions, some big and some small.
With every decision I make, I have to quit looking to my right or left. I am who I am, and my family is who they are, and comparing my life to somebody else’s will not help. I know what I am capable of taking on without dropping all the balls I am juggling, and I have come to conclude that my balancing act will be different than the mom’s next door.
Author, speaker, and blogger Jen Hatmaker, whom my husband calls my invisible friend (I did have a very brief convo with her once at a conference), spoke to the “yes” and “no” thing on her Facebook page last year, and I couldn’t agree more:
“So that medium yes, that I-feel-like-I-should yes, that guilty yes, that coerced yes, that I-actually-hate-this-thing yes, that I-guess-so yes, that who-else-will-do-it yes, that careless yes, that default yes, that resentful yes, that I-probably-shouldn’t-but-struggle-with-boundaries yes?
NO. Nope.
No thank you. I am unable to commit to that this year. Thank you so much for asking, but any new yes I give right now means a no to my family and sanity. I am so flattered you asked and count on my prayers, but I am at my maximum bandwidth right now. I appreciate your work so much, but I’ve already committed my time and energy this year. I’ve loved being a part of this, but I am no longer able to continue. We are aggressively focused on x, y, and z this year, so as a family we’ve agreed on no new commitments. This is what I can give but won’t be able to do more right now.”
If I had moved on in the process and became an instructor, I know that it would have consumed me and that something else would have had to give; perhaps my sanity. I might have had to cut out a kid activity or decrease the amount of home-cooked meals I made. Saying “yes” would have prevented me from doing my job at home. Another woman might have said “yes,” but I know myself and after some self-reflection, I decided that in my family’s current state, I would not be able to handle it.
In conclusion, I have had to revisit time and again the Bible passage in Ecclesiastes about seasons. The Byrds created a song in 1965 with lyrics from that passage.
“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:” (Ecclesiastes 3)
“To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven” (The Byrds, Turn, Turn, Turn)
This is not the season for me to take on a challenging position with my beloved Jazzercise, but I know that the day will come when I can plunge feet-first into it. Just not today.
After my “no,” a dear friend sent me this coloring page from craftsy.com, and I love it so much. It is a reminder that as long as that dream still burns deep, it can happen anytime.
This was so beautiful and really speaks to me at this point in my life. Just yesterday I browsed job ads and found one that interested me but knew that right now I simply can’t. It hurt and it’s hard to set aside my dreams for a bit longer, but I know someday I’ll be able to do more. In the meantime I focus on the dreams I can accomplish, like having a veggie garden. Thank you for sharing this very real story. And congrats on your journey to health! What an inspiration.
Jaclyn, thank you so much for your kind response. It is so tough to table a dream, but looking at the bigger picture certainly helps. Just like seasons in nature, our lives will change and go through seasons. I’m trying to be a “mom in the moment” right now, knowing that my time to pursue other things will eventually come. This season of having littles in our homes is so short. Thanks again for responding!
Lyndsey, Thanks for sharing your heart here. It sounds like it was a hard surrender. Someone taught me years ago that if I said “Yes” to something good to stop and consider the 9 things I might be saying “No” to, then consider what those might be, for one of them might be better or even best! That’s helped me. There IS a season for every activity under heaven, and while as a parent of teens I STILL feel pulled so many different ways, and I don’t always prioritize well, I’ll don’t regret an iota of investing in my people here at home. In fact, investing in them IS part of my dream. 🙂
Jewl, thank you for your support and encouragement. It was a tough surrender, but I know myself and I know my work ethic, and in this season it would not have been the best decision. I think that being self-aware and knowing your limits and what you are capable of is the biggest factor in decision-making. I’m glad that the post resonated with many? Thanks for reading and responding!
Hi Lyndsey. Thank you for sharing this, I know it is never easy to open up (especially online!). I actually just had a conversation with my spouse about this. We both work but he has been wanting to go back and teach high school for years, it is his calling and he is amazingly good at it. But unfortunately, Knox County doesn’t pay nearly what the government sector does and we have car payments, a new mortgage, and daycare to consider. He had an offer at a spectacular school and ended up saying no because of the pay. But as you say, this is only a season and I think that opportunities don’t just come by us at once.
I am definitely a “yes” person, which is tough too…
Allie, thank you for responding to the blog post. Life can throw some tough decisions at us sometimes. It sounds like you and your husband carefully considered the position but made a wise and right decision in the end. You never know when another position that suites your family even better will come along. Hang in there! Also, keep those boundaries even when it’s hard. “Yes” sounds so much better than “no,” but as I said in the post, you might be worse off in the end. Sacrifices will be made, and how will that balance look like and affect those you love? Lots to think about! Again, thank you for reading our blog!
I love that you listened to that “still, small voice” even in the midst of the chaos. This is well written, Lyndsey, and so needed!
Heather, oh friend…you have journeyed with me through some of life’s tough decisions! Saying “yes” sounds like the better choice, but it is not always the better choice. I definitely listened to that “still, small voice,” and knew that after praying about it so much, I just couldn’t make the plunge. Thanks for reading! I’m glad you enjoyed it.