True life y’all: Last week at the park, a toddler threw sand in my face. No, it wasn’t my toddler. Yes, the toddler’s mother watched it happen. No, that mother did not flip out. She didn’t discipline. And that’s when I lost my cool.
Since spring has peeked it’s sweet little head already, we’ve frequented the park a handful of times. Each time I leave the park I’m frustrated, exhausted, and question where people have learned to parent.
I have since composed a list of ways to ruin the park for everyone:
1. Let your child throw sand in someone’s, anyone’s, face.
2. Don’t take your eyes off your phone.
Get the lowdown on everyone’s social media pages, check your email, catch up on texts. But please, PLEASE, pay attention to your kids. I’ve spent endless days teaching my child how to interact, be nice, and what’s not nice. But, while you are looking at your phone, your kid is chasing my child around a sandbox over a shovel and a plastic toy when there are tons of toys lying there. I’m not going to discipline your child; that’s your job, but I also don’t want my child to get hurt trying to keep her toys fair and square.
3. Tell me how awesome of a parent you are.
I go to the park to hear about my shortcomings from a stranger. You limit screen time? Great. You only feed your kid gluten free, organic food from Whole Foods? High five, girl! But, I don’t care. And I am counting down the time until you leave or I can make a break for it.
4. Announce your child’s pee schedule to the entire park.
“Matthew, sweetie peetie pie, do you need to pee pee? You haven’t pee peed in a long time.” Do you want someone announcing your pee time out loud? Let’s ask them in a whisper so I don’t have to take my toddler to bathroom just so she can see the toilet.
5. Let your rough and tumble kid be rough.
If you’re asking yourself if your kid is rough, s/he probably isn’t. You know the kid; they pull on another child’s legs while on the monkey bars, they have to play tag while screaming and shoving, or they push the smaller kid out of their way on the playground equipment. These kids are the reason I look like a helicopter parent and leave the park exhausted. I’m constantly watching my kid so that she doesn’t tumble 10+ feet off the equipment because your kid is rough.
6. Come with your “momtourage.”
I bet you have seen a momtourage. A momtourage is a group of three or more moms, and one of them is probably wearing an ErgoBaby around her waist (where is her kid? Who cares, she terrifies me. She typically has on mom jeans and tennis shoes and walks around like she’s about to let someone have it). The other moms most likely are wearing workout clothes and a ball cap. A momtourage usually owns every picnic table and brings the most precious picnic lunch for their kiddos. Speaking of kiddos, they collectively have 10+ kids and they are so deep in conversation that they haven’t a clue where all of them are. Hint: at least one of their kids is showing me the 12 dandelions they picked or a handful of rocks they grabbed. Don’t mess with this posse, you are always out numbered.
I love the park. Kids can run free, be loud, and burn off all that extra energy. It’s a place for parents or caregivers to get a break. I am just asking begging you to pay attention.
Do you have any park horror stories? Let us know in the comments!
