Over the River and Through the Woods…

…and two hotels, fifteen rest stops, and a hundred dollars in gas station snacks later.

My family is from Kansas. But if you’ve looked around lately, this isn’t Kansas. And my Kansas family is not here. A sad reality that is slowly yet surely dawning on my little girl.

The Sweet Pickle has always loved her maternal grandparents. As most kids love people who give them 100% undivided attention, love, gifts, and the best memories of their little lives. But starting last year, she began to notice something.

These people weren’t here very much.

They swooped into her life, pouring forth every amount of energy possible on her sweet little heart, and then disappeared. Left to be seen in pictures and confusingly heard through a small rectangular box.

Then it happened. They came to visit for her third birthday. A glorious week of fun and adventures and cuddles. Then one day they waved goodbye and walked down our sidewalk to their car when

She.

Just.

Bawled.

“I waaannnnt tooooo gooo wwiiiiiiiittthhhhh ttheeeemmmmmmmmm!!!!!!”

My mom cried all the way to Nashville. Later that evening my precious girl looked up at us with those big watery blue eyes and asked earnestly, “Are you going to leave?”

I could tell you half a dozen more stories that will rip your heart out of your chest, but the point is, living far away from family is hard. Some of you know that even more poignantly than we do. And no matter if they’re on the other side of the state, the mountains, the country, or the ocean, our children all have their own special way of dealing with these long-distance relationships.

My Sweet Pickle has taught me a lot about being a long-distance Granddaughter…and my parents do a pretty great job as well. So if you’re living far away from those you love (and who love your kids) here are some things to keep in mind.

Quality Over Quantity

When Grandma and Papa are in town, all bets are off. Bedtime doesn’t matter. School is not a priority. Shoes are optional. And every day is filled with as much adventure as we can possibly muster. When you only get three or four visits per year, you make them count. You nurture that relationship. And you create memories that will last until the next time a lifetime.

Keep in Touch.

My mom is wonderful about remembering special days for my kids. Since they can’t be here for most minor holidays (and some major ones) they make sure that their grandchildren know they are thinking of them. Cards, presents, pictures, phone calls, sweet notes written just for them. And I make a point of letting the Sweet P know exactly who they are from and that she is loved…even from afar. On our end, this is one of my main reasons for keeping Facebook well stocked with photos and little nuggets of daily life. I don’t talk to my parents on the phone every week, but every day (usually several times a day) they can peek into our lives and watch their Grandchildren grow.

Visits Matter

We are blessed that my parents are incredibly…er…mobile. They are both retired. They travel well (LOVE to travel actually). And make a point of coming to see us as often as their busy schedule allows. But not all family members are able to get away so often, so it’s also up to us to make these relationships happen. Whether it’s setting aside some of my husband’s vacation time, or me and the kids getting out west on our own, we have to make our visits a priority! Planning these ahead of time also helps when it’s time to leave. When we know we’ll see them in the summer or at Christmas or at a birthday we can say “see you later” instead of ” goodbye!”

Grieving is a Beautiful Mess

When we say goodbye to my parents, I usually get in at least one good cry. Maybe it’s while walking down the jetway or watching them drive past the mailbox. But in just a few hours it’s over (until I see my unwashed dishes and wish my mom were here to do them for me). The Pickle, on the other, has a really unique way of dealing with goodbye that she developed all on her own. After my parents were here for three weeks when Baby Brother was born, Sweet P’s response was centered around a little white puppy that my mom had left for her “to take care of.” She began saying things like, “Puppy misses his Mommy.” “Puppy is sad because his Mommy left.” I began to understand that she was role-playing her own personal feelings!

It happened again after this past spring break. P did a great job waving goodbye and staying cheerful, but later that evening she found a sheep that she and Grandma had played with a lot that week. She said, “Sleepy Sheep didn’t want Grandma to go.” As soon as it came out of her mouth I saw her lip start quivering and I knew her little heart was breaking. She sobbed for what seemed like forever while I held her.

Each child has their own way of saying goodbye and dealing with the ensuing emotions. Sometimes it’s immediate, but not always. And let’s face it…we never stop loving someone, even long after they’ve gone. So we have to let our children grieve and we have to assure them that the relationship with those special people never changes…even with distance and time.

So that’s how we try to deal with our long-distance relationships.  I’m sure many of you are becoming experts, too!  What are some ways that you help your children stay close to those who are far away?