The days here in East TN are getting longer and the weather is getting warmer and Memorial Day weekend is just around the corner. As a wedding photographer, this means just one thing – it’s WEDDING SEASON!
If you know a couple in love, then chances are you might be getting ready to head to a wedding over the next couple of months. If you have children this could be a scary thing. But fret not; I’ve talked to the experts, six fabulous brides of course, to help guide you thru the dos and don’ts of having your kid at a wedding!
DO – Check and see who the invitation is addressed to. If it is addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Smith only, I hate to say it, but your kids aren’t invited to the party. If the invitation is addressed to The Smith Family, feel free to bring everyone along. But also know this: every bride that I talked to struggled with how to handle this.
Here’s what bride Melissa had to say:
“Most of my friends had small children and I didn’t want them to not attend because they couldn’t bring their little ones, but I also knew that if they brought their kids they probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy themselves the way they would if they left the kids at home. Plus, if we invited kids then I felt pressured to provide food and/or activities to keep them happy and entertained. In retrospect, this might not have been necessary but Pinterest had me convinced at the time.
Before I made a decision I spoke with a lot of my friends who have kids to get their input. I was really surprised that nobody even hesitated when they answered – all of my friends who have kids told me to not invite their children. They were all excited to have a night/weekend away from the kids! Had anyone asked me for an exception I would have said yes. So, while I was really worried about this decision, I felt good about it in the end. Everyone seemed to have a great weekend in Asheville and this was one less thing I had to plan for during the ceremony/reception.”
So make it a date night if your kids aren’t invited!
Do – Take into consideration the time and location of a wedding. If the wedding is outside and in the afternoon and there’s corn hole and cake and dancing to be had, who wouldn’t want to bring their kids? But other circumstances just might not be right for the kids. “Our wedding was in the evening at an art museum, and we made the choice to not invite children under 10 years old, besides our flower girl, because we didn’t think the time of day and venue were very appropriate for a lot of young children. My husband and I both adore kids, so it really came down to the venue and our wedding being at 7PM in the evening,” said bride Kaitlyn.
DO – Make sure to remove your children from the ceremony site if they are being distracting. This was another one that everyone agreed on. Bride Fran said, “If a child is not behaving during the ceremony then one of the parents needs to immediately (and quietly) remove the child from the room/area. With that said, it’s unrealistic to expect a baby to not cry or a small child to be able to sit still for an extended period of time. I think parents need to be cognizant of this and be prepared to step out of the room if needed so that they do not disrupt the ceremony for the bride, groom and other guests. “
DON’T – Overract! If your child is in the wedding, he or she has been chosen to be there because they are already loved for the unique personality that they have. Some of my most favorite photos that I’ve ever taken have been of kids during a ceremony. When I asked bride Rebekah how she thought the kids in her wedding did this is how she responded: “I think they did great! Of course, I was blissfully unaware of any craziness that might have gone on but I do truly think kids were not at an issue at all. Some of my favorite wedding pictures you took were of my ring bearers acting a fool during the ceremony. I had no idea it was going on and they are so cute, I loved it!”
Sometimes kids make the best memories!
DON’T – Assume that every bride feels the same way. If you have questions always ask prior to the wedding. Bride Kate said, “I felt like having kids in my wedding made it more meaningful. I also loved having them at the reception to dance with. I loved having my nieces and nephews present in all of our wedding pictures. I know Nick and I are going to be happy looking back years from now on the pictures of our wedding and love having our entire family present. I know how special the kids felt being included and that meant more to us than any distraction they could have caused.” But Fran had a different idea for her reception: “We wanted an intimate evening wedding, including cocktails, a seated dinner, a live band, and dancing.”
But at the end of the day, they’re the ones who have paid the money to have it the way that they want.
DON’T – Make the day about your kids. Bride Allie said it so perfectly: “Our wedding was about our union and commitment to one another. While the kids added joy and love to our day, they were not the main focus. Brian and I were so focused on each other during the ceremony that we did not even notice anything or anyone else. It would not bother me if the kids were a distraction to others because the event was about us and our promise to each other for our future together.”
DON’T – Expect your kids to be perfect all day, especially if they are younger. My rule is always this – if they don’t behave perfectly at home (what kid does), then what kid will be an angel all day at a wedding? Allie said: “Our nieces and nephews were great the majority of the day, that is until pictures… which just so happened to be during their normal nap times. While the older kids were happy and cooperative, the younger ones were having a bit of a meltdown. The photos that were captured and the memories that were made are so hilarious and will make for great stories as the kids grow older. Additionally, after the processional had begun, and the last bridesmaid left for the alter, two out of the four kids started crying. Somehow, by the grace of God, they pulled it together literally seconds before walking down the aisle. At the end of the day, the tears and pre-ceremony drama were worth it. I love that my nieces and nephews were a part of our day and I would not change a thing. If they had been absent, I would have always regretted it. They were absolutely precious and beautiful additions to the wedding party. “
