I walked into the kitchen to find my four-year-old getting himself some water. He looked right at me with the biggest grin on his face as he kept filling and filling a cup to the brim until it overflowed, spilling water all over the floor. As I grabbed the cup to empty some of the water and started to wipe the floor, he insisted that he didn’t need any help and he wanted to do it “by myself.”
His independent streak is one of the things I love about him, and he comes by it honestly. I can totally relate. Even when I clearly need help, I still want to do everything by myself. It has taken some major challenges for me to learn that it’s OK to ask for help.
A year and a half ago, my husband started experiencing a series of unexpected and scary medical issues that have put him in and out of the hospital and left him temporarily unable to drive. For someone else who is fiercely independent, that has probably been the hardest aspect of this journey. Aside from the obvious concern for his health, we have been dealing with the logistical strain of getting each member of our family of five — including two working parents, two kids in travel activities, and an active preschooler — to where they need to be. And with an onset of new doctor’s appointments already added to our jam-packed schedule, we have had no choice but to ask for help.
Asking for help makes me very uncomfortable.
It makes me feel like I’m incapable of taking care of my responsibilities, and the last thing I want to do is be a burden to someone else. Everyone is so busy and I don’t want to add anything else to anyone’s plate. But asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. Admitting that you need help is a sign of strength and humility. We weren’t meant to do everything on our own, and there are people ready, willing, and happy to help.
While I can’t say it has been easy, I have been so blessed by learning to ask for help.
First, as a Christian, my help comes from the Lord. He is my source of strength. He has given me peace and joy when I felt far from peaceful and joyful. He has put people in our lives that have made difficult times easier. I am so thankful to our families, church community, bosses and coworkers, and friends who have been so understanding and have gone out of their way to help us. Every prayer, call, text, card, phone call, meal, ride, hug, shoulder to cry on, girls’ night, and word of encouragement has been so appreciated. I am humbled and amazed that so many people with their own commitments and challenges have still gone out of their way to surround us with love and support.
If you, like me, have a hard time asking for help, I hope you will be encouraged that it’s OK to ask for help. There are seasons when you need help and seasons when you will be able to provide help to others.
