I’ll be honest; when I first stepped into the world of blended family holidays, I felt overwhelmed. The logistics alone were enough to make my head spin: juggling multiple schedules, coordinating traditions, and trying to make everyone feel included and loved. And then there were the emotions: the kids missing their other parent, the weight of expectations, and the delicate dance of honoring old traditions while creating new ones.
It hasn’t always been smooth, but over the years, I’ve learned something important: the beauty of blended family holidays isn’t in getting it all right. It’s in showing up, loving deeply and finding joy in the messy, imperfect moments.
The struggle is real, but so is the joy.
One Christmas, we finally had all the kids under one roof (after they spent Christmas morning at other homes) and I wanted it to be magical — a picture-perfect holiday. But as the day unfolded, reality looked more like mismatched stockings, rejected recipes, and a battle over who got to open the last gift.
At one point, I found myself standing in the kitchen, feeling defeated. But then I heard laughter from the living room; our children (biological and steps) were all together, playing a game, and cracking up. It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours. And that was enough.
Later, in a quiet house because the kids had all departed to their other parents’ home, I remembered something that calmed my heart: Christmas isn’t about perfection. It’s about the perfect gift of Christ Jesus. His birth brought light into a messy, broken world, and that light shines in our homes, even on the hardest days. The glow of the Christmas tree felt warm, but my home felt empty. I had to shift my focus and knowing we had made sweet memories together let me keep my focus on the happy day just shared.
Letting go of “perfect.”
As moms, we carry this weight of wanting everything to be just right for our families, especially during the holidays. But in a blended family, perfection isn’t just unrealistic; it’s exhausting.
What I’ve learned is that it’s okay to let go of what I think the holidays should look like. Instead, I’ve started asking myself, “what really matters?” For me, it’s connection. It’s making space for everyone to feel seen and loved. It’s finding the small, sacred moments amid the chaos.
Practical steps for a smoother holiday season. While no holiday season is stress-free, I’ve found that being proactive helps:
• Communicate early and often: Talk through schedules, expectations, and emotions ahead of time — with your spouse, co-parents and even the kids.
• Be flexible: Plans may change, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to stick to a rigid schedule; it’s to create meaningful moments.
• Focus on what unites your family: Whether it’s a shared meal, a game night or a service project, find something that brings everyone together.
• Start with scripture: It reminds us why we’re celebrating and sets the tone for the season and can be incorporated into advent calendars, meal times, and worship. Calming my own heart helps me bring peace and comfort to those in my home.
Making space for hard feelings.
The holidays can bring up big emotions for everyone, especially kids. One of my children once confided that while he loved being with us, it was hard for him to leave his other parent behind during Christmas. That broke my heart, but it also reminded me how important it is to create a safe space for those feelings.
I’ve learned to ask gentle questions like, “How are you feeling about the holidays this year?” and to listen without trying to fix things. Sometimes, just acknowledging their emotions can make a world of difference. Being the safe place is the greatest gift you might be able to offer the kids in your family.
I’ve found that pointing our attention back to Jesus — the one who understands every hurt and heals every heart — can be a source of comfort for us all.
Building something new.
The beauty of a blended family holiday is that it’s a chance to build something new — a celebration that reflects all the unique pieces of who we are. In our family, we started our holiday celebrations more than a decade ago with two family trees. Now, we combine all our blended memories onto one tree. It’s a small thing, but it’s become a symbol of how we’re all part of something bigger now. We brought the memories from our separate trees into one that showcases the history of all of us.
A holiday full of grace.
If you’re in the thick of blended family holidays, I want you to know this: it doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. The burnt cookies, the scheduling mix-ups, the tears — they’re all part of the story. Even the ache of how this isn’t the idea of what you thought your Christmas would be like is alright. If you’re feeling it, likely your partner is, too, and that can be a bond you share. We can hold the hard things along with the wonderful moments.
This season, let’s give ourselves and our families the gift of grace. Let’s laugh at the mishaps, cherish the small wins, and lean into the love that brought us together in the first place. Most importantly, let’s turn our eyes to Jesus — the reason we celebrate, the source of our peace, and the foundation of the joy we long for.
Blended families may not fit the Hallmark mold, but that doesn’t make them any less magical. In fact, I’d argue it makes them even more so because they’re a testament to resilience, forgiveness, and the power of love to bring people together.
Here’s to finding joy in the chaos, beauty in the blending, and hope in the One who makes all things new. What’s one way your family creates connection during the holidays? I’d love to hear your stories, so drop them in the comments below.
