As another year is coming to a close, I find myself thinking about how this year has shaped up. I think this year changed me, that’s for sure.
Here’s a little bit of what I’ve learned about myself these last twelve months:
Every girl needs her Daddy, and I miss mine terribly.
After losing him to a quick but brutal battle with Goodpasture Disease and lung cancer, I realized how integral he was to my everyday life. Being with him during his illness and during his last minutes on Earth did two things: it made me realize how much heartache I could endure, and it made me realize that only God knows how much time we have. Losing a parent will change you, that’s a fact. If you are reading this, and have lost a parent this year, I pray that your heart is comforted this first holiday season by the cherished memories of your Mom or Dad. It is a loss that you never get over, I am told. I believe it.
I can’t do it all, all of the time.
It really irritates me to admit that, but it’s a fact. Doing it all, all of the time, makes me less than desirable to be around. With that said, I can do it all SOMETIMES. As long as I throw in taking care of myself, as well. Which means having friendships. Adult friendships. With other Moms. With wine. And shopping. And barre class. Those things make me happy. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom. See, I have let the opinions of others creep into my head for years. That if I didn’t spend every waking minute being a Mom, I wasn’t doing it right. And the judgment of people who have never been in your shoes is my favorite. The people who feel the need to instruct you on something they’ve never done themselves. Give. Me. A. Break.
Here is another fact of life: sometimes I am not a Mom of the Year candidate and I am okay with that.
Here’s why: if my daughter were happy with me 100% of the time, then I wouldn’t be doing my job as her Mother. Because it is not my job to make everything in life fun for her. It is my job to raise her to be a well rounded, polite, kind, and intelligent individual. It is okay if she gets mad at me sometimes, I don’t have to entertain her 24/7, and I don’t have to make alternate arrangements for her if I am doing something less than “fun” for her. Her going along on mundane errands and participating in tasks teach her patience, responsibility, and that not everything in life is fun.
A major fact of life that I have come to accept this year: I can’t make everyone happy all of the time.
So, I’ve learned to focus on what I can do for others, and to let go of what I can’t. I’ve learned that it is much better to let go of what I can’t do, than to carry it around on my shoulders day in and day out.
I’ve learned to focus on being happy and on being the best Mom I can be.
My daughter knows how much I love her, every single day. And when I get it wrong with her, I own it, and I apologize. I want her to know that no one is perfect. And that it’s okay to make mistakes. I want her to know that I hurt over my Dad not being here this Christmas, because I want her to know I’m human, and that feelings are important. I want her to know that I have friends, because I want her to know the importance of having people by your side who are living the same experiences that you are.
I’ve learned that I won’t be making any resolutions as we get close to the start of a new year.
The fact is, we live resolutions out every day, week, and month of the year. We take punches from life and we jab back. We adjust, we contemplate a different strategy, and we keep moving. It’s how we become the moms we want to be. We just have to accept the facts of life, whatever ours may be and keep moving to our own beat.
