When my husband and I got married, we moved into the house beside his parents. We were excited and anxious to begin our lives, and little by little, as we moved furniture and painted walls, it all started to sink in: I’m living next door to my in-laws.
I don’t know why I was nervous. Maybe it was the countless times people commented, “Oh wow, good luck with that! I could never live next to mine!” Or perhaps it was the sitcoms on popular television shows that get their comedic relief from unstable and ridiculous mother-in-law relationships.
I understand that some in-laws are crazy and seemingly impossible to build a relationship with, but I still hate the stereotype. I don’t like how society groups all of these women into a category. I’m sure we can all think of some annoying stereotypes that don’t apply to us: The nagging wife. The lazy husband. The clueless father.
The reality is that those stereotypes are perpetuated throughout our culture. They come through our TV screens and creep into our child’s DVD collection. At some point, they probably even come out of our own mouths. Could it be that we have a pre-conceived idea of what our mother-in-law will be like before we ever have one?
My mother-in-law and I have very different personalities but we show each other mutual respect and love. She’s made several impressions on my life that I’ll never forget:
She took me shopping to buy me things for our new house a few weeks before I married her son.
She took care of our daughter every single day while I worked. She followed our nap and feeding schedule without question.
She took me shopping and told me I looked beautiful when I was crying in the dressing room over my post-partum body. She helped me buy clothes that made me feel better.
Most importantly, she gave me something invaluable: She raised my husband to be an involved parent, a faithful husband, and a hard worker.
I’m sure I’ll be someone’s mother-in-law someday. Will my daughter or son-in-law already have ideas about me before I meet them? Will they be defensive from the beginning? Will they think I’m old-school, rude, and nosy? I hope that as a society, we can break free from these stereotypes and that we can all try a little harder to be the exception. Those of you with truly toxic family members, my heart breaks for you. I know it isn’t easy to go through those struggles. I hope you strive to break the cycle and become an exceptional and inspiring mother-in-law to the spouse of your sons and daughters someday.
The old YMMV applies here! 🙂 Generally speaking, some people are easy to get along with and some are hard to get along with. I think everyone has to try to get along, and if you don’t live in the same household, it’s easy to set boundaries.
Absolutely! Everyone has a different family dynamic.
Wow! I could only dream of a mother-in-law like that. You guys are very blessed to have such a wonderful relationship. I definitely won’t go into my woes, as they would be pages but this story was nice to hear. The women in my family have always had wonderful relationships with their MILs so I was blessed to see positive examples. However, as was stated above, some people are just difficult to get along with. I’m with you. I hope to be a likable MIL one day. I can only imagine how much it would mean to the kids. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story.
I am very blessed in the MIL department.. but I know it’s not that way for everyone. I love that you have your heart set on being a great MIL, and you’re right- that will be a priceless treasure for the kids 🙂
My MIL is a wonderful, loving, caring woman! She loves me as her own….she gives selflessly and she genuinely loves and gives love in everything she does. I am so blessed to have someone that I can consider as a mother to me as well. Our children’s lives are enriched and blessed to have her as their Nana. My in laws have raised a loving, kind, caring, Godly man. He has been taught the value of family. I see everyday in how he treats me and our children how he was raised. Love shows!!
We call my MIL “Nana” too! 🙂 I love when they are taught the value of family, and bring it into the marriage and household. That truly is the best part.
Thanks for your words! My husband always says,they won’t be with us forever. And about two years ago, unfortunately, that came true as my MIL passed away from cancer. We had our differences but she always tried to treat me like the daughter she never had. As scary as it is to think about, we always need to remember that our parents or in-laws will not always be with us. My only wish now is that she had more time with her grandkids.
I am so sorry for your loss. Though she was here for a short time, she made a lasting impression on her children and grandchildren.. her legacy lives on- A mark of a truly good woman. Thank you for sharing.
I have had two MOL’s. My ex husband and I were estranged from his family for most of our marriage (I won’t go into the crazy here).
My second husband and I are early in our marriage – I am hoping for a better relationship with his mom. I put alot of pressure on myself to have things be different this time that and as a result I was a little neurotic around her at first. Things are improving slowly (we aren’t geographically close, so there is a while between visits).
Stories like yours give me hope that there are other options.
Early marriage is really tough with family.. it gets better! Sometimes a little distance between extended family is a good thing lol. Thanks for your comment 🙂
I think going into a marriage eiththese stereotypes makes a woman defensive when it is not even necessary. It’s like being so ready for battle that if you don’t find an enemy you create one. I was so blessed to have a wonderful MIL. She used to remind me that she was my Mother In Love. I miss her!
Very insightful — the stereotypes could be a self-fulfilling prophecy in some cases. I’m so fortunate that I have had two darling mothers-in-law, and have a d-i-l that I love like a daughter.
I think there’s a quote.. “You create what you fear” (or something like that). It makes me think of this. Stereotypes can definitely make people defensive when they don’t need to be, and that goes for all the other stereotypes as well
Yes, some people are lucky to have wonderful in-laws. Some, on the other hand, end up with the ones that are toxic and you can’t build a relationship with them if they disrespect and hate you and try to put you down every time they see you. I can only wish to have a good one but after 20 years of marriage I gave up that dream. She is who she is and she will never change. She doesn’t care about me or my kids (her grandkids) and nothing can change that.
MIL tells my husband I do not love him and my purpose in life was to make him leave her, the proceeds to tell my parents how mean I am (while they are driving her home from a function at my home). Please don’t try to make people feel bad for not having a relationship with their MIL. My husband doesn’t even want one with her! I have taken abuse from this woman for 24 years, even during the 2 months she lived with us. By the way, was my idea, when I found out her husband was abusing her.
You bet I’ll be a much better MIL.
Jenny, I would never make people feel bad for not having a relationship with their MIL- or rather, that wasn’t my intent. Like I said, some people just have truly toxic personalities.. nothing you can do there unfortunately. I love that you’re determined to be a great MIL.. women like you can break the cycle!
I can most definitely relate to your story. I never lived next to my in laws, but while my fiancée at the time was at basic training for the Marine Corps, I lived with them. Yes, we have disagreed, but what 2 adults always agree on everything? Mainly the time my son was standing up through the sunroof of her vehicle as she pulled up to my house. She has answered the phone in the middle of the night when my newborn was sick and I needed help. She has watched my kids for many date nights. She has supported her son and I when we had the opportunity to move closer to her, but chose a different direction and ended up 5 minutes closer but still almost 2 hours away. I have told her many times thank you for raising her son to be the man that he is today multiple times over our almost 13 years of marriage. I don’t know if she will read this, but if she does, I love you to the moon and back!!!
I lived next door to my in-laws when my husband was in his Army basic training at Fort Benning. They made life so much easier and the days so much better. Your story is so sweet.. I love it! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Oh I could only dream of a MIL like that. Without going into detail, let’s just say that mine harnesses a strong dislike of me because she thinks I took her baby boy from her. She is also a pretty crappy grandparent to my kids.