Confessions of a (New) Stay at Home Mom

A few Fridays ago, I got fired from my job. I had been debating on leaving the company for a while due to some internal issues and the overall stress level that comes with a position in large scale commercial outside sales. I had been “doomsday prepping” for months; networking, saving money, planning on how I would make my exit (I saw it going down like the guy in Office Space who liked to watch the squirrels play and who was always missing his stapler; turns out it was a lot less dramatic than that). So with my clichéd white copy paper boxes full of 2 1/2 years of office clutter and a severance check in my hand, I embarked on the journey of being a stay at home mom.

This was going to be magical! This was going to be a dream come true. Sisters… let me tell you… I am two weeks and one day into this ride (upon publishing of this post) and I am finding out I had some really large misconceptions about Stay at Home Momming.

These are the confessions of a working turned stay at home mom:

1. There really is such a thing as “the witching hour” and I’m not sure how to handle it.
Imagine my surprise, when every day, without fail, around 4pm my children loose every piece of their minds and unleash a fury the likes of some Biblical tribulation. It only lasts for about 45 minutes, but in those 45 minutes, I understand why some mammals eat their young. Nothing I say or do fixes it. They yell at each other. They yell for no reason. They want to do opposite things at opposite times and in opposite ways. And just when I am about to throw in the towel, (or jump off a building) its over.

2. I have a lot of (for now) useless clothing.
You need me to show up on your job site like a boss and talk about moisture levels? I have a Fox News style anchor woman dress for that very occasion in every color. You need me to go to Target and look like I haven’t crawled out from underneath a drain somewhere? So sorry. I have nothing for you, save for 3 pairs of Nike shorts I bought off a yard sale site when I wanted to make people think I worked out. Last night, I looked at all my beautiful high heels, so lovely in all their heel height variations, their shapes, their colors, and I felt like Marius in Les Mis singing “Empty Chairs and Empty Tables.” “OH MY FRIENDS MY FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS, FORGIVE ME!” Will I ever wear these with any regularity again? I need to shop for what my mother used to call “everyday clothes.” And I need to do this now.

3. I feel like I have to do all the things and go to all the wheres.
Water park? Theme park? Zoo? Play dates? Touch stuff at the museum? Aquarium? Jump through the sprinkler? Check! I don’t know how long I will be home with my boys. It may last another week. It may last another 6 months. It may last forever; who knows? But I have tried to make certain that every day so far has been full of doing everything I would sit in my office and gripe that I wasn’t getting to do just in case I get a call to go back into the workforce.

4. People expect me to do stuff now.
The last time I was a SAHM, I was on maternity leave. When I was on maternity leave, I wasn’t really expected to do much more than make sure everyone in my care was still alive when Daddy got home and walk around like a mom zombie, smelling of body odor and baby vomit. Now that my kids can talk and walk and aren’t awake all night long, I am cleaning, organizing, cooking dinners, etc., which is actually soothing to my OCD soul. One day, I finally went through all Maddox’s toys and donated or sold the ones we didn’t play with anymore while he played in the other room. Rookie move. He now likes to tell everyone that “Mom is selling our toys so she can have money to eat at Chick-fil-A.” Yeah… I live a pretty fancy life these days, y’all. Which leads me to my next point:

5. Being a SAHM isn’t really glamorous. At all.
I really like to glorify things I know nothing about. Its a Spiritual Gift of mine. I am a day dreamer, and in my day dreams, life looks vastly different than how it really is. In my twisted little working mom brain, SAHMs had it all. 24/7 with kids. Freedom to go to the grocery store at 3pm. No schedule! I don’t want to start some comment war, but here goes with this statement: being a SAHM for two weeks has been harder than anything else I have ever done. When I worked, I had “me time.” Yes, I was stressed and my doctor thought I was developing a bleeding ulcer, but I could still sit somewhere and online shop or look at Facebook for an hour or so without being asked to watch MineCraft videos or a cat saying “hey.” I have no down time. No, I am not stressed if Coach So-and-So got enough signatures from the board to pass a 6-figure gym floor re-installation anymore, but I am constantly doing something; constantly breaking up an argument, deflecting a question, trying to potty alone (holler if you hear me!) all while running a household. It’s A LOT.

6. I feel like I have to justify myself ALL THE TIME.
Maybe I’m a big fat jerk, but when I met someone and they asked me what I did for a living, it felt really nice to be able to say “I manage the sales department for the third largest commercial flooring company in the Southeast.” Never mind that my alarm went off every morning and I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Never mind that I felt like Marie Antoinette marching to the guillotine every Sunday night when I thought about facing the upcoming workweek. Having an important title made me feel important to strangers and new acquaintances. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like the best version of myself right now. And I wholeheartedly think that staying home with my kids is one of the most important things that I have ever done. But, it has already happened and I’m sure it will happen again: the look of pity or disapproval I get when I tell people I got the ax from cooperate America and am hanging out with my babies. Every time I get “the look” I immediately start justifying why I am not working outside the home. I hate the pity. I’m not really in the market for pity. I don’t feel pity. But it stuns me to think that I am viewed by some people as “less” because I don’t have a fancy title to roll off at them.

7. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything.
Yes, money is a little tighter. And yes, my routine and my family’s routine has been drastically altered. But one day, the fingers that want to hold mine and the backs that want rubbing and the boo boos that need kissing are going to lock their doors and play on an Xbox for hours and try to sneak girls over. At that point I will be about as cool as… well.. whatever is really uncool. The same boys who want to play with my hair are going to ask me to drop them off at the curb and to show up at school for the PTA meeting and not tell anyone we are related. However, right now? I have two little guys who are obsessed with me and who never want to leave my side. There are always going to be jobs. There are always going to be open positions popping up in offices. Someone, somewhere, is always going to need something sold or marketed. My kids aren’t always going to want me and need me as much as they do now. I am enjoying this time with them SO MUCH.

8. I am having to re-learn my sons.
This is hard. As a mother, I want to live in the blissful ignorance of assuming that I know my little boys better than anyone else in the world. Now I am learning this is not the case with every aspect of them. As heartbreaking as it has been to have to call my grandmother and ask what Walker means when he says this, or where Maddox really wants to go when he says that, I am thankful that so many have loved them so well in my absence and that I am now getting to log hours with them.

9. I say too many dirty words.
I’ll just let ya’ll use your imagination there. Think 4 letters, rhymes with duck, and is the most hilarious thing my 3 year old can yell in public, in the car, or around old people. (I worked in construction for over 2 years; give me some grace here, ok)?

Being a new SAHM has left me with a grab bag of questions and feelings and emotions. I don’t know if I am doing it right. But I do know that I am loving (most) every day of being at home with my wild men, even when they accuse me of yard selling their toys for chicken…