There is this little snippet of words that float around the internet time and time again, a small description of self-perception, a “fill in the blank” as I like to call it. Innocent, yes. But I am curious its origin:
“Hi! My name is ___________ and I am a full-time wife and mom…”
I see it everywhere. On Instagram profiles, on blog taglines. A full-time wife and mom.
Correct me if I am wrong (which, dear Internet, you always do), but I do not know really any “part-time wives and moms.” You are either in it or you are out. You don’t love your children “part-time.” You do not commit your days on earth to your marriage “part-time.” It is a life, a commitment, a joy, full-time.
If I had to guess the subversive connotation to this phrase, my thoughts would gander to the classic “mommy wars” that we all roll our eyes over, as if it is SO five years ago, like the series ending of LOST or the McRib sandwich, yet secretly have an opinion. We have an opinion on what a “full-time mom” looks like.
To quote Ralph Gardner Jr., in his New York Magazine article, Mom vs Mom, “Motherhood, for all its well-documented joys, has become a flash point for envy, resentment, and guilt. ‘Everybody struggles, and everybody envies what the other has,’ says the stay-at-home mother of a 9- and a 14-year-old. ‘The working mom wishes she had more free time to be available to her child, and maybe have coffee after drop-off. And the nonworking woman would maybe like to have something that’s a reflection of her as an individual — a label that says she’s a capable, creative person who knows about more than just baby formula or after-school programs.'”
It seems, in defining “motherhood” in no uncertain terms, we tend to still lean toward the working mom vs stay at home mom bit, with either side throwing gauntlets yet both checking the grass on the other side. Yet, while in the angst and throes of labor and childbirth, what mother is screaming through contractions or prepping for surgery thinking, “Meh, I am only going to give about 50% to this whole motherhood thing for the next 18 years or so”?
Are there mothers who are careless and give no cause or concern for human life? As a former DCS case worker, that is an absolute yes. But most of us really do want the best for our children. The best we can give.
Do you rise early and go to bed late? You are a full-time mom.
Do you check on your kids every night at midnight, just to watch them breathe? You are a full-time mom.
Do you take from what little you have and give so your child will not be without? You are a full-time mom.
Have you had to bear the sorrow of losing a little one, and knowing that they are and always will be your child, even while they are in heaven? You are that baby’s full-time mom.
Are you counting down the hours until that college freshman pulls into the driveway this weekend, and baking tons of cupcakes to send back with her so that she will make new friends on her dorm floor? You are a full-time mom.
This thing called motherhood is a lifelong journey. We never give up, we never back down. Mamas? We are never off of the clock.
And life is never the same after children, even when they are on their own having their children. But they are a gift of God & never to be taken lightly the responsibility of what this gift means. You can get caught up in the day to day or you can keep your eye on the Big Picture of Eternity knowing this life is poof of smoke here one day gone tomorrow & what will your contribution be? I never wanted to miss one second of being with my kids’ growing up and that in (some) ways has paid off in spades as my grand children are close by & we are a big part of their life. Having children is a great teacher of selflessness and those that choose or can’t experience it will never know it to the degree a parent does. Is it easy & all rainbows? Nope but what in life is? Loved the post….lol at that term too…
I have three children and just stopped working full time. Since transitioning away from a paid profession and into full time care of my children at home I’ve been amazed by how many people ask me what I do (I suppose I was never so sensitive to it when I had a full time job). My response is that I’m a Full Time Mom or FTM. I find that saying “stay at home mom” has a negative connotation of staying at home and not doing anything. I’m more exhausted now than I have ever been and I’m rarely at home with all of the shuttling I am doing. Giving myself the label of FTM fits what I do on a daily basis. I don’t think it detracts from other moms who work out of the house and then come home to parent. I would not have labeled myself a FTM until now.
We overanalyze and place too much worth on what we label ourselves – as people in general, let alone mothers. If anyone is looking for contentment or worth in how they are labeled, or even what they DO, contentment and worth will never be found lasting. It irritates me to no end to see so much back-and-forth on defining oneself; and trying to find a politically-correct way of making everyone else feel included in said definition or, at least, not excluded, from that specific definition when CLEARLY, everyone in this life plays a different role – whether slight or extreme – from everyone else.
Bottom line, if you’re doing what YOU know YOU’RE supposed to be doing, stop allowing yourself to be discontent by the fact that your current life’s definition doesn’t look exactly like someone else’s, or that you have to make excuses for what your doing and why your life looks the way it does. We can still be kind and loving towards others without feeling a need to apologize for what is just simply called LIFE!