Over the weekend I got sick, as in really sick. I actually threw up 15 times within half a day. I thought I was dying. 
That sounds dramatic, but it was bad and I couldn’t even hold my sweet baby Grayson because his sweet baby smell made me more nauseous. But I still tried to nurse him. It wasn’t a pretty picture, me just sitting in bed shakily holding our six-month-old and trying to cradle him there long enough for him to get full so I could run to the toilet again.
I’m not one for broad, definitive statements, but after this weekend’s sickness debacle, I can say one thing truly and fairly: there will be no baby number 2 for us in any near future. What did this weekend of pain and nausea bring to mind? Oh, yes, those 18 weeks of pure misery that was my first extended trimester of pregnancy. At the time, I tried to act like those 18 weeks weren’t so horrible, but they were. They so were. I tried to help others by sharing my tips for surviving morning sickness. You can read those little gems of wisdom here. And later, I even joked about the whole post-baby birth control decision here. Can you see how these short bursts of reminiscing on those throw-up days might be leading to one big decision.
Well, that day and that decision has finally come. But why am I going public about it? I have no idea actually. I figure women make the decision to have 1 or 2 or 5 or 10 children for all variety of reasons, some much more respectable, and others possibly even more selfish? Well, here’s hoping. But at the end of the day, I just don’t want to miss four months of Grayson being a baby or a toddler or an…. adult? Basically, I don’t know when it will be a good time to sit for almost five months with a weighted nausea so heavy it makes it hard to walk or talk all day and all night. And yes, the selfish part is that I just plain ol’ don’t feel like going through it again. So there you have it. The cold, hard truth.
And before you feel compelled to let me know that it may not be so bad the next time round, my answer to that is…IT COULD. And that risk is just too much for this mama.
Let me back up and explain that this is a really odd decision for me to make. It’s out of character. Personally, I’ve always been big on the idea of sacrificing now to have more later. You know, be miserable for a little while so you can cuddle that sweet baby later. I was big into sports (ahem, one sport that is: ice skating) growing up and it was drilled into me from a young age that good things come to those who work (i.e. suffer, haha). Go without now so you have money later. Work at your career now so you can obtain your dream job later.
I love that concept and it has treated our family well in years past. But at some point, we have to make a decision regarding what is and what isn’t too much sacrifice for our family. Yes, it can be done. I could probably (God willing) be able to get pregnant again. But right now, it ain’t the time. I would love to give Grayson a little brother or sister and it would be oh so cool for them to be a year apart, which would provide a partner-in-crime for their childhood. So adorable, so fun. But so not what’s in the cards for us.
This mama needs a break, a long one, and one that could last forever. For now, I’m happy with my beautiful Grayson and our sweet daddy. There’s no more later. This tiny family is calling it quits on morning sickness and saying yes to enjoying our family today, now, just how we are.
So I want to hear about your big family decision. How did you say no or yes to more babes? I can’t be the only one out there saying no to more morning sickness? But right now, at this time in my life, I’m a-OK with it if I am. 😉
We talk about more babies every day. I can’t seem to get it out of my head. I’m 1/1, hubs is 1/2 so he can easily see continuing our family line. But I am EXHAUSTED. Even 18 months later. Amazing baby, amazing pregnancy. Part of me really wants the chance to do it all again. But the other part of me is loving where we are NOW, and a little more than apprehensive about starting “all over”.
Yes, there’s that side of it too! I like how things are right now and being able to focus on 1 baby. Good luck! 😉
Thanks for sharing your decision. When it comes to kiddos, I’ve found that every decision seems so difficult until after you make it, then it’s usually a bit of relief. Wishing you and your family many moments of happiness sans morning sickness.
I agree. It’s stressful but a big weight off my shoulder to know that this is the right decision for us so we can move on and just enjoy life. 😉
I was such a witch my first trimester, my husband would probably prefer not going through it again. I vomited maybe all of two times during the first trimester, but I felt like I had the flu 24/7. It was miserable. If I were there in that moment again, I probably wouldn’t be so keen to have another, but luckily, I’m very forgetful.
Hubby and I have had the second kid discussion a lot lately, and I am pro, pro, pro (I’d have about 4 more if they were all as good and easy as my first), but he is definitely con, con, con. The only thing truly stopping me is enjoying the time with my current daughter (I want to make sure I’ve spent good quality time with her, getting to know her, cherishing her at this stage), and the thought of having two daycare bills. We could never afford it.
So until one of us gets a big promotion and raise, it’s just the three of us.
Ugh, that is the worst. Just because the vomit doesn’t happen, doesn’t mean it’s not just as bad. I’m just glad we’re both through it. 😉
I’m so sorry that you got so sick with that bug, Christina. I had it, too, and know just how awful it really was! Unfortunately, I also had devastating morning sickness during my pregnancy, too. I’ve been thinking a lot about baby #2 — I always envisioned having at least two babies. However, the idea of that awhile 2nd trimester scares the hell out of me. I had no only morning sickness — but full-blown prenatal depression as a result of the constant nausea/hormones. I haven’t made up my decision 100% but I do plan to make it very soon and it’s really going to be a challenge to decide. Thanks so much for sharing your brave and honest story. xo
I totally think I got depressed, too, Dena. It’s a chronic sickness so it makes sense. Yea, not for me right now. 😉 I commend you for giving little Roman the time you want to give him too. Sweet man
I was recently told that immediately after giving birth I would want to do it again. I called foul. I can’t imagine this will ever be true for me. I thankfully have not been as sick as long as you were, but I still have days that are just not right. And I’ll never get past that the next time could actually be worse! While I think it would be great for my coming-soon-daughter to have siblings, something I never got to experience, I just can’t do this again. There are other kids out there that need homes if I truly feel the need to expand our family again.
YES! on adoption. And I’m so glad it’s passed for you, Heather!! It makes the end a lot more bearable, even though it comes with it’s own set of challenges haha heartburn much?!!! 😉
My only child (a son) turns 2 this week and I’m still not ready for baby #2 basically because the “all the time sickness” was so bad and lasted into the 2nd trimester. I disliked being pregnant so much, it’s hard to think about doing it again! I know it is selfish but I am waiting until my mind and body are in the right place again. Good for you for being honest with yourself.
I totally think waiting until it’s the right time for us is the only safe way to go. I figure it’s a lot better than resentment or confusion or depression. And that’s not good for our current child either, so it’s not selfish at all. Good luck! May the mother force be with you 😉