I’ve surrounded myself with a lot of high achieving moms in all areas of my life. I’ve done this on purpose. When my son was born, I had no idea how to be a good mom. My own mom was amazing, but I wasn’t sure how to translate what she had done into how I would raise my own kids. I wanted and needed real life examples. And over the years, I have found them everywhere. I’ve built up a network of ladies/mothers who I can look to for ideas and inspiration, who I can learn from. These women are amazing. These women have it all under control. They drive change and advocate for their kids. These women are leading their organizations, they’re at every school function, their kids are in every sport, and they show up with a tent for shade and snacks for the whole team at every practice.
These moms have thought of it all, they are so far ahead of the curve that everyone else is left speechless and in awe of their abilities. These moms are the first in line for everything, from the pick-up line to sign-ups for the best sports teams. They are the first to register their kids for summer camps and swimming lessons. They make cupcakes for every event, they bring back to school gifts on the first day of school, they’re on a first name basis with the principal, they have happy hour with the teachers. These moms have all the latest gadgets and technology, they know all the current child psychology protocol, and they of course only see the best doctors, speech pathologists, dentists, and other specialists I don’t even know my kids need. They are up on all the latest trends and they love sharing their expertise with others.
Sometimes, I’m able to keep up with these moms. But sometimes, I’m not.
Sometimes, I’m tired and exhausted and I cannot muster the energy to curate an after-school excursion or research the latest in learning theories and age-appropriate educational concepts after working all day. Sometimes, I have to travel for work and I miss the “meet the teacher” event at the school. Sometimes, I forget about dress up day or water play or show-and-tell. Sometimes, I need to watch tv and decompress or have drinks with my friends instead of making handmade decorations for the next school event all weekend. Sometimes, my laundry piles up until the kids are out of clean underwear. Sometimes, we eat off paper plates to minimize the never-ending dish situation at our house. Sometimes, pretty often actually, everything is not perfect.
Of course, I always WANT to do all these things and do them perfectly. I feel GUILTY when I’m not able to. I feel not good enough as a mom and a person when I just simply cannot do it all.
But despite all these things that feel a lot like failure, I have learned enough about motherhood over the years since my kids were born to know that I am still a GOOD MOM. I know I’m a good PERSON too. That knowledge keeps me grounded. As I’ve gotten older and more experienced in motherhood, I’ve come to realize that NO ONE can do it all. Not a single soul on the earth can operate at warp speed all of the time, in every area of their life. Everyone sets their priorities, and then lets some stuff go in other areas. I’ve tried my best to keep up with all the things, but I’m finally to the point that I don’t even want to anymore. My priorities have become: make sure my kids know they are loved. Make sure I’m teaching them how to make healthy and responsible choices. Make sure I am modeling emotionally mature behavior for them. Those are the basics. And the finer details of motherhood and raising children will vary from day to day and week to week and month to month. Goals and objectives will shift and the truly important things will always get done.
