Life can change in an instant.
As adults, we know this all too well. But teens? Teens live in the present. They often feel invincible, until something shatters that illusion. When a friend experiences a terrible accident, the loss of a loved one, or any unexpected and traumatic event, our role as parents is to help our children navigate not only their own emotions, but also how to support their grieving peers.
My teens have faced heartbreaking moments alongside their friends. One of my son’s friends, a new driver, was in a severe car accident on a rainy night, leaving life-altering injuries in the aftermath. A close family friend lost a parent suddenly. In just the past month, another young friend lost the grandparent who had been raising him. While the grief of these immediate families is immeasurable, I watched my own children wrestle with their vulnerability, unsure how to help their friends in such heavy moments. Walking alongside my children through these experiences, our family has learned how to show up in real, meaningful ways.
Here’s what we’ve found to be most important:
1. Give Them a Safe Space to Talk (or Not Talk)
Teens process emotions differently and some need to talk things out, while others shut down or express their feelings through music, art, or even sports. Let your teen know that whatever they’re feeling is okay. No pressure, no judgment. Just be available, ready to listen when they need it, and comfortable with silence when they don’t.
2. Equip and Encourage Them to Support Their Friends
When your teen wants to be there for a grieving friend, remind them that they don’t need perfect words, just showing up and listening can mean everything. Attending a funeral alongside their friend or showing up to a hospital room is a gesture that will never be forgotten. Encourage them to check in, be patient with their friend’s ups and downs, and offer small, thoughtful gestures like a text, or a hug and especially an open invitation to hang out. If their friend is really struggling, help your teen understand that involving a trusted adult can be one of the most loving things they do.
3. Let Teens Be Teens
Grief is exhausting, and sometimes, the best thing a grieving teen needs is a break. Your dinner table, your family game night or even just an evening of mindless video games can provide a much-needed sense of normalcy. Let your home be a safe place where a hurting teen can just be — without pressure, without expectation, just love.
4. Remind Them (and Their Friends) That They’re Not Alone
Perhaps the most important thing we can do is remind our teens, and by extension their friends, that they are not alone. Whether it’s through family, friends, a faith community, or a trusted mentor, there are people who care deeply and want to walk alongside them through the pain. Grief is not a journey meant to be traveled alone.
At the end of the day, remind your teen that their presence is more powerful than any perfect words they could say. Simply showing up, loving their friend where they are, and standing by their side through the tough moments is what truly makes a difference. When we share the skill of empathy and encouragement with the next generation, we are creating a legacy for a better, more connected and supportive society for tomorrow.
