As we head toward the downhill slope to 2 years old, the challenge between giving our son the freedom to develop his own personality while still keeping some sort of structure to our lives is becoming increasingly more difficult to manage. Over the past few months, we have really seen his personality begin to develop. Testing our limits while grinning that sly smirk is his favorite pastime. He is full of stubborn sass (definitely does not get that from me). He loves nature and animals. He is constantly on-the-go and rarely comes home from daycare without new bruises and scrapes from his adventures.
We have only been parents for 20 months, but this stage of development has definitely been the most mentally trying for us. I want to let him climb that ladder on the playground but I also don’t want him to get hurt. I want to let him play by himself but I feel like I need to have eyes on him all the time. I want to give him space but I also need to set limits. Since we are still in the midst of this, I don’t have any personal tidbits of wisdom to pass along. However, I have gathered advice from family and friends who have been through this and these are the strategies we are currently trying to implement.
Pick your battles. One of the best pieces of advice I received while pregnant was “pick your battles.” This has proven to be very true as we approach the terrible, ahem, terrific twos (trying to be positive). The other day, he was dropping every thing out of his pack-and-play. I could tell by watching him that he was enjoying the loud noises all of the toys were making as they hit the floor. At first, my instinct was to tell him to stop. Then I thought, you know, he is bored. He is learning cause and effect. What is he hurting? He wasn’t throwing anything at anyone. They toys weren’t big enough to damage the floor. So, I let him do it.
Say “YES.” I feel like I say “no” hundreds of times a day. While I try to be creative with how I say it (i.e. “I am not going to let you do that”), I am still saying “no.” It is difficult to balance my instinct to discipline with his instinct to explore. He loves to tear off toilet paper and throw it in the toilet and then flush it. At first, I was annoyed by this new hobby. As soon as I saw him go toward the bathroom, I would immediately divert. He is simply interested in the cool noise the toilet makes. Plus, he sees mama and daddy put the paper in the toilet then flush… so he is just modeling our behavior. So, instead of telling him “no,” I let him do it once then we move on to another activity. Easing into the exploration while still setting limits. He wants to pile every book he owns on top of my lap? Well, let’s take the opportunity to practice counting!
Divorce the “right way” mentality. Another habit I am trying to break is always trying to show him the “right” way to do things. Puts his pants on backwards? So what? Wants to color the grass blue instead of green? Go for it! I will never forget one afternoon when I was working in the 2-3 year old classroom at a local daycare. We were coloring when a parent walked in to pick her daughter up. The little girl went running up to her mom and handed her the coloring sheet and the mom said, “Clouds are not purple silly girl.” The disappointment on that child’s face will haunt me forever.
Park the helicopter. I want to give him space. I want to let him make his own mistakes (within reason of course). I don’t want to end up being a helicopter mom. I am independent, and I want my son to be as well. I try to allow Jake ample time to complete tasks on his own while I sit back and encourage his progress. This goes against all of my instinct to not want to see him struggle but then the smile on his face when he realizes he accomplished something on his own is worth a million bucks.
Every interaction I have with my son is an opportunity to help build his independence, develop his personality, and boost his self-esteem. I certainly do not implement these strategies 100% of the time. There are times when I have to set firm limits or when we just don’t have time for him to explore. However, I want to make sure that I am giving him every opportunity I can to successfully navigate these tender toddler years!
Are you currently parenting a toddler? Do you have any tips for toddler moms during this stage of toddler’s development?
