They’re Watching Us

My two-year-old son said his first curse word recently. It was Easter Sunday and we were on our way to church, of all places, when he shouted out the S-word. My mom, his Mimi, was buckling him into his car seat and the straps were not cooperating. Frustrated, she let the four-letter word slip and, without missing a beat, he emphatically echoed her frustrations. To be honest, it was hilarious. But we held back our laughter, trying to hide our amusement so he wouldn’t start repeating the word for attention. We just ignored it, and he moved on.

But this scenario reminded me of one of the most shocking realizations I’ve made since I became a parent: my behavior — everything I do — profoundly affects my son. It reminded me how much impact my husband and I, and his grandparents and other loved ones have over who he is becoming, and how malleable his little heart and mind are to our influence. I see the consequences of my actions and feel the weight of responsibility for the things I do and say in a way I never could have fathomed before I had a tiny human depending on me to teach him how to live in this world.

I know it sounds cliché, but it’s such a great honor and responsibility to raise a child. And it is one I do not take lightly.

I’m quickly learning that there is no such thing as “faking it” with children, or putting on airs so that our kids will think we’re greater than we really are. They see the truth. They see what we do when no one else is watching. They hear the things we say behind closed doors. And you better believe they take notice.

There is a lot of talk about “influence” right now. Everyone wants to be an influencer, an expert in their field, a leader and a go-to person with a huge social media following. We want everyone to believe that we have it all figured out, and to look to us for ideas and inspiration and a better way to live. But I’m wondering if maybe we should stop trying to influence a bunch of strangers, and get off our phones and start modeling good behavior for our kids.

Let’s stop trying to look good and start doing the hard work to actually BE good. 

We need to show our kids how to be kind and thoughtful human beings. Help them identify opportunities to help others. Show them how to eat right, be healthy, and take care of their bodies. Show them what it means to work hard, to be part of a community or a cause. Show them how to love themselves so that they can effectively love others. But we can’t just tell them to do these things. We have to show them. We have to work hard to embody the ideals that we hope to instill in them. We can’t give them something that we don’t actually possess. 

So let’s stop talking about how great we are for many to hear, and start modeling great behavior for one or a few to see. I’ve got lots of work to do, and much room for improvement, but I’m up for the challenge and I’m going all in. Because, whether we know it or not, they’re watching us, and whether we like it or not, every move we make is teaching them how to live.

Who’s with me?