I was casually scrolling an online shirt shop when I came across a shirt that stopped me in my tracks. It had the phrase “Their childhood is your motherhood” written across the chest. Simple, yet powerful. I hadn’t thought about that before, but there it was and it felt like it hit me right in the chest.
Ironically, later that same week as I was talking with my therapist, she asked me, “What kind of mother are you?” So, I sat there like a deer in headlights as I tried to scurry for words to form in my brain. A few seconds later I started to answer her.
“Um, I want to be a mom who…”
She stopped me. “No. Not who you want to be, who are you?”
Yikes. I’m really not good at talking about myself in a positive light, let alone say all these things that describe me as a mom. As I have had time to reflect a little more on that question, combined with the perspective that my motherhood is their childhood, I’d love to share my thoughts:
I will never say the phrase “Well, I tried my best.” My kids will know I tried my best. Aren’t we all trying our best? Some days, my best is a day full of fun, home cooked meals, and undivided attention. Other days, my best may be too much screen time while I take care of myself and the house.
They will know I gave my all to them, but they will also know I valued my friendships, relationships, and my own physical and mental well-being along with being their mother.
They will know their value isn’t determined by the numbers after a dollar sign on a paycheck or the letters after their name.
I’m spending my motherhood not only teaching my kids to try their best, but also how to embrace failures and struggles.
I’m teaching them to face fears, how to overcome, and how to persevere.
I’m teaching them that their mental health is just as important as their physical health.
I’m spending my motherhood celebrating wins and consoling losses.
I’m spending my motherhood wiping tears and giving hugs. Late night belly laughs and playing countless games of Uno.
I’m spending my motherhood worrying that I’m failing, that I said the wrong thing or that I’m not preparing them for what’s to come. I’m worried about mean girls and broken hearts. I’m worried about accidents and bad decisions.
As the saying goes, “Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere.”
I can’t control the future, the decisions my kids make or wins/losses they’ll face…
But, I am spending my motherhood giving them the best childhood I can possibly give them. Not to spoil them, but because every child deserves a great childhood and honestly, I want a sweet motherhood. I want to celebrate the special days, take the trips and really get to know who my kids are under the surface. I want to cultivate a relationship with each of my children that will grow into their adulthood. These are my people and I want them to know how important they are to me.
I want a motherhood that is filled with laughs, bear hugs and lots of love.
My kids didn’t ask to be born; I made the decision because I wanted them. I will spend my motherhood making sure they know that. If I’m lucky enough to experience grandmotherhood, I’ll make sure to continue my unconditional love and support because that’s still part of my motherhood.
