The Day I Stopped Doing It All

I see why moms just get in their car and leave.

I see why they might never want to come back.

I see how it’s possible to want to completely disappear for a long period of time.

I can 100% relate to a lot of Lifetime movies now.

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?!

It was my new reality.

In January, I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I started working full-time as a tax accountant, and my husband and I continued searching for our first house to purchase together. For five months my schedule was basically leave at 7:30am, drop off my son, go to work, throw up multiple times throughout the day, and return home between 8pm and 9pm. Pregnancies are not easy for me. I suffer from Hyperemesis Gravidarum and it’s terrifying.

I was exhausted, in survival mode, and eventually just completely shut down. I stopped “doing it all” as some would say. I stopped doing everything I normally did on a daily basis because I couldn’t take it anymore.

People don’t notice everything you do for them until you stop doing it. You start to feel completely isolated, unappreciated, and even worthless. It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, or working outside the home mom; the feeling of everyday giving your all for everyone around you and getting nothing in return is debilitating, depressing, and all consuming.

Easter Sunday. The day I stopped doing it all.

The day I drove to a job I couldn’t stand in tears. The day I completely broke down. The day I really needed Jesus himself to come give me a hug, like, IN REAL LIFE. The day I heard “In Case You Didn’t Know” by Brett Young and “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me back to back on 107.7 WIVK and was hysterically crying for an hour in the parking lot. You forget how powerful a song can be until you’re in your car alone, truly listen to all the words, and take every single one to heart — absolutely powerful.

The day I stopped doing it all was the day I found myself asking, “Why does it have to get to that rock-bottom point for moms, for the people in their life to notice they need to be reset?” They need to feel valued. They need to feel unconditionally loved. They need some mother lovin’ HELP for crying out loud. They have so many needs that are never met on a daily basis, and honestly, not even on a weekly or monthly basis. That has to stop. NOW.

The day I stopped doing it all was the day I realized what needed to change.

I realized I needed to come up with a game plan of how to move forward and get back on track. I slowly started to reach out to everyone I knew and threw myself back into my family, my community, and my faith. It helps having the hours in the day to actually achieve that. It helps to surround yourself with people who want to see your joyful self and ask how they can help.

SIDE NOTE FOR HUSBANDS: If you have a problem with how many hours your wife is “working or not working,” what her paycheck is or isn’t, how she loads the dishwasher, or drives a car, or does the laundry, or cleans the house, I have two suggestions for you:

1. DO IT YOUR DANG SELF.
2. HIRE SOMEONE TO DO IT.

Because, I guarantee she is already giving her all every single day and trying to survive this impossible season of life. If not, don’t be surprised when your overly exhausted wife moves to an island with all her girlfriends to sip piña coladas and eat her weight in Dole Whips. It’s not a drill. I guarantee every single mom, at some point, has felt this feeling of complete defeat.

In all seriousness: To all the drowning mothers out there, you are not alone.