My son was one of the earliest biters in the daycare. The biting started before he turned one. Most of the time, it was a teething issue — biting and chewing felt good on his swollen, painful gums. Sometimes it was a communication issue — he wasn’t verbal yet and so biting was a way to communicate. Almost every single day I would receive a note when I picked him up from daycare: “Jake bit a friend today.” On bad days, “Jake bit several friends today.” The worst part? Most of his victims were quite a bit younger than him. Helpless little infants who were not even mobile yet. I cannot even begin to explain how horrible I felt. My precious, sweet little boy was preying on these helpless children. Daycare facilities are not allowed to disclose the perpetrator (or the victim) to any of the parents. Yet, I felt this horrible feeling that every single person knew it was my son. I felt like everyone hated him. He was the “biter.”
Over the past year, we have tried and failed, and tried and succeeded with several different techniques. I think one of the most important things I learned was that it wasn’t just one intervention that finally “clicked” with him. It was a combination of all of the interventions, becoming more vocal, slowing down on the teething, and simply just “growing out of it.” I wish I had some magical remedy that would all of a sudden make a child stop biting. While I can’t provide that, I can list for you the different interventions we tried and whether or not they were successful for us.
1. Conferencing with Daycare
When we were in the middle of the really frequent biting, I requested a meeting with my son’s teachers and the daycare director. The main reason I did this was because I was in tears every night feeling like my son was the “mean kid” at daycare and I needed some help with what to do. This conference helped so much. His teachers reassured me that so many of the kids go through this… and the ones that hadn’t yet, probably will. They told me step-by-step exactly what they do when a child bites (for example, they first give attention to the victim) and they gave me tips on things to do at home.
2. Shadowing
Of all of the interventions, I truly credit this one with helping the most. Someone at the daycare would literally walk around with my son the entire day. They were able to then intervene with every situation before the biting occurred. {THIS} is an excellent article that touches on the research associated with shadowing.
3. Use Your Words
This was another tip from the daycare teachers. They suggested trying to teach my son alternatives to biting. For example, teaching him to say “mine” or reminding him to ask a teacher to help when he is upset or frustrated.
4. Teething Relief
People have differing opinions on the safety of the products I am going to list. This is not meant to start a debate but rather just to let you know the products that my son loved. We would send this to daycare so that they could help manage his teething pain. While this didn’t eradicate the biting, it definitely helped.
Punkin Butt Teething Oil
Zoli Chubby Gummy
Zoli Bunny Teether
Hyland’s Baby Teething Tablets
4. Read Books About Biting Like Teeth Are Not for Biting
This book is fantastic. This book was one of the things that my son’s teachers suggested we purchase for home. My son absolutely fell in love with it. He can actually recite a lot of it now and still wants to read it even though he hasn’t bitten in a very long time. The daycare reads this book regularly to the children as a group as well as when a biting incident occurs. When the biting was really bad, we read this to our son every single night.
One of the most common pieces of advice I got was to “bit him back.” Usually that was followed with “well, I bit my child and he/she stopped biting!” I would definitely advise against biting your child in hopes that it will cease their biting… and research agrees.
You might have heard from other parents that if your child bites you, bite your child back. This isn’t good advice. Children learn by imitation. If you bite your child, the child is going to get the impression that this behavior is acceptable and he or she will be more likely to do it again. The same goes for hitting a child for biting. {From WebMD}
I would like challenge the parents of the biting victims. I have been on both sides. In fact, a few weeks ago my son was bitten so badly that it has left a scar on his shoulder. While I absolutely do not like my child being hurt, I was definitely more upset when he was the perpetrator. If your child is getting bitten, try to put yourself in the other mom’s shoes. Remember that next time it may be your child doing the biting.
Do you have any advice to add to Sarah’s? Share with us in the comments!
