You walk into Target and you see a dad wearing a baby and buckling two rambunctious kids into the behemoth cart. You think, “Aw, how sweet is that? That dad is awesome!”
Now this: you walk into Target and you see a mom wearing a baby and buckling two rambunctious kids into the behemoth cart. You think, “That poor mom. She looks exhausted and she is struggling with all those kids. Why did she have so many kids? Surely, she’s not having anymore. POOR MOM.”
WHAT?! How can the same scenario have vastly different reactions based on who is taking care of the kids?
Dad gives the kids a bath: Super Dad. Dad drives kid to Starbucks for croissant: Super Dad. Dad buys dog food at store with kid in tow: Super Dad. Dad feeds kid breakfast that’s not a Pop Tart: Super Dad.
Mom gives the kids a bath: Mom job. Mom drives kid to Starbucks for croissant: why is she feeding that filth to her kid?! Mom buys dog food at store with kid in tow, but also buys a week’s worth of groceries while chasing a toddler through the store: Mom job {and why can’t she keep that kid in the cart?!} Mom feeds kid breakfast of egg whites, oranges, toast with all natural peanut butter: Mom job.
Dads: you are awesome. You are super. You add a special dynamic to the parent duo and we appreciate it. High five.
But why aren’t there more Super Moms?
Because all these things are expected of moms. We are expected to take the kids out, spend our days with them, teach them their colors, their numbers, how to be polite, how to listen to directions. We are expected to potty train as soon as possible and dress them in the cutest outfits while looking like we slept 8+ hours {consecutively?} with our hair and makeup done. To those of you who do this regularly, kudos. Seriously, take all the kudos girl. Raise the roof while you’re at it.
Here’s the kicker though: while maybe no one has ever referred to you as a Super Mom, YOU ARE A SUPER MOM. Being a mom is the hardest job you will ever have. You are going to have days when you dislike your boss(es), the tasks for the day make you want to lock yourself in the bathroom and never, ever come out, and you are going to have days when you need 5
cupspots of coffee just to survive. But, you will survive, your house will be clean {someday}, your kids will be showered and fed, and you might even get to sit down for five minutes.
I’m not trying to cry out for flowers or balloons for being a mom, but on those days when you want to walk out of your house without your kids to cry on the curb, I want you to remember that you are still a Super Mom. Those days when you feed your kids chicken nuggets and the dreaded Goldfish crackers and you feel like a failure because where are the organic foods and the fresh veggies?!?!, you are still a Super Mom. The days when it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon and everyone is still in pajamas and you’ve watched two movies, you are still a Super Mom.
Would Super Dad still be Super Dad if he were in your shoes? The Super Dad that I live with thinks I take too long running my errands. My errands of grocery shopping and diaper buying. {He says, “You always go out to do one thing, but you always find other things to do while you’re out.” Um yes. In my one kidless hour I will find things to do!} Let me walk around Kroger mindlessly for 30 minutes, man. Be Super Dad, no excuses.
Super Moms: I want you to know that there are going to be bad days, days when the baby cries for no reason, the dog pees in the house, and the toddler only will wear princess dresses and demands to watch Lilo and Stitch on repeat and you spend the day counting down the hours until Super Dad gets home. And don’t think because of the frustrations of those bad days and the tears you wanted to cry make you a bad mom…you aren’t. You are still so awesome.
, we all work hard and we are all Super Moms...and Super Dads!){kind=link}
Right on sister girl! I noticed this first hand dating with kids. A man is a single father? Women come running out of the woodwork “oh my gawd you’re such a good daddy that’s so sweet!” A woman is a single mom? “Wow I respect her but I couldn’t ever raise kids who aren’t my own.” So smart of you really call out the day to day differences that make us just feel regular when men get to feel super. Loved it.
Thanks girl! I didn’t even think about single dad’s vs single mom but you are absolutely right! It’s funny how we see parenting from different sides and how differently we are perceived! Thanks for the comment! 🙂
I have never looked at a mom with three kids and thought “why did she have so many kids? Surely, she’s not having anymore.”
First off, stay at home moms/dads have the hardest job in the world. That being said, if I saw a mom mowing the lawn, I would think, WOW Super mom. If I saw a dad mowing the lawn, I wouldn’t think twice about it. Surely you can see were I’m going, but if you need more examples just ask. As a father who does a lot with the kids and housework, society has certain preconceived notions as to what constitutes normal roles for men and women. Women perpetuate these stereotypes just as much as men. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen posts on FB of moms asking other moms questions like what to make for dinner. I personally take this as an insult since I do all the cooking in the house…. but by women only asking women about stereotypical roles, your sisters are only helping to perpetuate these stereotypes… right or wrong.
This spills over to the workplace too. Mom has to leave because her kid is sick, or work from home because her sitter fell through, she’s unreliable. Dad has to leave to take care of sick kid, man, what a rock star. It’s a never ending cycle of judgement. Dad’s are allowed to play stupid when it comes to the kids and it’s totally fine (how do I buckle this car seat??) But when a mom posts a pic of her 1 yr old forward facing, every sanctimommy on fb is trying to tell her what she’s doing wrong. I hope it changes soon. I hope it will become normal for men to take some time off work after baby is born, and for moms to get more credit where it is due.