I can’t believe that I have been a mom for almost two years. Over the past two years, I have made mistakes, had successes, felt like a great mom, felt like a terrible mom, taken others’ advice to heart, and taken advice with a grain of salt. I think this time of the year will always make me reminisce on the frigid, snow-filled days leading up to my son’s birth. Those days were filled with excitement, anxiety, and fear of the unknown. I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to have kids. It’s sort of a trial by fire kind of thing. I wish I could go back and have a little pep talk with myself.
I asked myself what I wish I would have known or really understood prior to having my son. Hindsight is 20/20, right? After some reflection, I came up with a list of the lessons I have learned over my first two years of motherhood.
First-Time Mom: Lessons Learned
1. You really do know best.
You know that feeling in your gut? Listen to it. You know your child better than anyone.
2. Don’t take your favorite radio station for granted.
I truly think instead of sending people to prison we should just lock them in a room with “Pirate Pogo” or “If You’re Happy and You Know It” on repeat.
3. Don’t set strict deadlines on yourself.
Breastfeed for one year. No TV before two years old. Organic everything. Cloth diaper until potty trained. Sometimes, your sanity is more important. (Just FYI… I only succeeded in one of these deadlines…).
4. Get off of WebMD.
Seriously. A cough is not always cancer. But… back to number 1, trust your gut if you think something is seriously wrong.
5. It’s okay to stand-up for your child and for yourself.
Try to let go of feeling the need to please everyone. Everyone is going to have an opinion about how you are parenting. Even seasoned parents do not know what is best for you and your child. It is okay to politely let people know that you are the one calling the shots with your kid.
6. Your house will always be a mess.
Toys are everywhere. I am staring at two huge piles of laundry as I type this. I have learned little by little to exist within a messy house. Smeared hand prints now adorn by beautiful french doors. I constantly feel like I smell poop. Sometimes it’s in my imagination… sometimes it’s on my sleeve and I am at work at 10am and have been walking around with poop on me all morning.
7. Don’t compare.
There is always going to be a kid who speaks in complete sentences when they are 18 months old while your kid is babbling a foreign language. There will always be a mom with more money, more time, more patience, and less fat. But look at that little person right there. YOU made that. So, don’t waste precious time and energy by comparing yourself or your life to someone else.
8. Marriage after baby is different.
I think I knew that my marriage would change after having a baby. However, I definitely underestimated the amount of work that goes into maintaining your marriage while simultaneously trying to settle into your role as a mom. I think more than anything, I have learned that you have to be intentional when it comes to your marriage. Be intentional about setting aside time for just you and your spouse. Be intentional about checking-in with each other about feelings, stress, anxiety, etc. Be intentional about keeping an open-line of communication even when you just feel like shutting down.
