Today is October 15th. There was a time in my life in which that didn’t mean anything. But then my baby died and I came to know October 15th as a very special day.
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
It’s a big day for us loss moms — the women who are in a special club that we never wanted to be a part of. Our club is an exclusive one. You don’t get an invite; you just have something really bad happen and it automatically enters you in the “we have lost a baby” club.
In May of 2013, we lost our son, and later that year I learned of the significance of October 15th. I’d love to share more with you why this date means so much to many of us.
When you have lost a baby — either through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss — your baby is gone and you are left with very little. Sometimes there isn’t even an ultrasound picture. Sometimes ultrasound pictures are all you have. For those who lost an infant, their arms are so empty and all of the things they had ready for their little one are just staring back at them, drawing even more attention to their empty arms.
As moms, we would do anything to save our children. But for those of us who have experienced this type of loss, there is nothing that we can do for our babies.
Our babies didn’t live to celebrate their birthdays or develop those memories for us to look back on. In loss, moms will have a few dates that they remember as very significant: for some, it’s the day their baby died or their baby’s due date or birth date. But when you were hoping and planning for a child, coming out with just some dates to remember, is just plain hard.
This is part of why October 15th means so much to us moms of loss.
It gives us something to do for our babies. It gives us a way to feel like we are doing something to remember them and celebrate their lives. It gives us another date where we have permission, and maybe some support from others, to share our baby and thus our loss with the world. And that means everything to us.
If you are someone who hasn’t lost a baby, take time today to reach out to someone who you know has. Let them know you’re thinking of them and let them know that you remember their baby. For many of us, our greatest fear is that our babies will be forgotten.
If you are someone who has lost a baby, I would love to hear from you! I run a nonprofit for women who have lost a baby and we would love to add your baby’s name to our Remembrance Wall. If you’d like to add your baby, or just have someone to share your story with, email me at [email protected] — I would love to hear from you!
Tonight come join us for a community ceremony of remembrance. Tonight is the 4th annual Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day event that our community is hosting. The evening is so special for those of us who have lost a baby. It will be a lovely time together of remembrance, community, and support. This year’s event is virtual, and everyone is welcome to join us! You can find the event on the Project Gabriel Facebook page at 6pm.