Please Don’t Judge Me, I’m Doing the Best I Can

I saw this comment on a post one of my fellow KMB Mamas wrote recently. And it struck me. Like the kind of thing you read and you just want to start crying right there because goodness it.just.hits.home. I love, love, love my life. I cannot believe I am blessed with these precious children. I NEVER take them for granted. Not for one day. I’ve lost a child, so I know what it feels like to long for a crying baby, sleepless nights, watching a child grow up. And I never take anything for granted with my children now. But that doesn’t mean this isn’t hard. That doesn’t mean that parenting is a cake walk because I’ve faced such a tragedy. My perspective is different, and better, but the day in and day out of being a mama — it’s hard.

My kids do the same things your kids do. They spill food all.the.time. They whine, they don’t listen. It takes 30 minutes to get from the door to the point where everyone is buckled in their car seats and I’m ready to back out. Oh, but then one of them unbuckles their 5-point harness, and the other thinks it’s funny, so they’re jumping around like jumping beans, and I’m not-so-patiently telling them they don’t get to play on the iPad for the rest of the day or whatever other meaningful consequence I can think of in that moment. 

Sometimes we go to the store and the baby cries and my 2 and 4 year old are both begging for Icees and grabbing things off the shelves and acting like the cart — that gigantic one at Target that is like driving a school bus around the store — is a piece of gymnastics equipment. Sometimes I get them popcorn as a special treat while we cruise around my favorite store {Target, obviously}. At first they are upset because they don’t each have their own, but then they figure out a good system of passing it back and forth. But then someone changes seats for the 20th time, and at that point they get careless in their popcorn passing and drop it and we leave a nearly-full bag of popcorn all over the floor in the middle of the picture frame aisle. 

I want to say to the people who are looking at me, giving looks, telling me I have my hands full: “Please don’t judge me, I’m doing the best I can.” 

I’m only one person. I have two hands, one really mushy mom brain, and a heart that might explode from love. I’m doing the most important job of raising these little ones. And I’m doing the best I can. I get it wrong a lot. I get too lazy to fix the best dinner that my kids should be eating. I lack patience on a daily basis. I’m not sure that I’m teaching them everything they need to know. Sometimes I forget to make sure they’ve brushed their teeth, and I might on occasion let them spend the day in their PJs if that’s what they’re asking for. 

But then there are those things that I do every day. I hug them, kiss them, and rub my face against theirs and through their hair multiple times a day. I never knew how much I would want to squishy kiss a face until my son was born. Now I do it every day. Even though they’re getting older. I hope my kids know that they can always find everything they need here. That there is always enough. Always enough food, water, clothing, beds, and most importantly love and devotion. 

If you see me out and about at Target one day with the crazy hair, a dirty tee shirt, and kids leaving a trail of a mess behind us, you need to know that I’m not a perfect mom, clearly, but I am a really loving mom who would do anything for her children and I’m trying really hard. Please don’t judge me, I’m doing the best I can.