Parenting Burn Out: Running the Race at a Steady Pace

It really wasn’t a big deal. We had just rushed to get to my daughter’s basketball game…and got there an hour early. We walked into the church where she was playing and after my daughter didn’t see any of her teammates, we checked the schedule. We were really on time for once. I should have been happy. I wasn’t. I had worked out, ran home, and jumped into the shower. My hair was damp, and I wasn’t put together to my liking. I had rushed around for nothing. What a good problem to have, right?

Fast forward an hour later, and the game was about to begin. My three-year-old leaned in against me and kept ramming into my crossed leg. Again. Not a big deal, right? I made it a big deal and told him not to touch me and not-so-gently redirected him. He was in my personal space, and it infuriated me.

And this was the weekend prior to my husband leaving the four of us to go out of town for a week for work. Awesome.

Parenting is a 24/7, no break, no clock-out, no reprieve, rise to the challenge, you’re always on, hardly easy, always role modeling thing.

The sheer volume of stuff that is thrown your way on a daily basis is enough to burn you out quickly. During my high school and college years I worked as a server at a restaurant in my hometown. I remember always having to take a card and punch in when I arrived and punch out when I left. It was a simple card tracking how much time I worked so that I could get paid for it. The physical act of clocking in and out also allowed me to mentally clock out.

Parenting doesn’t come with a time card. It’s always happening. You can call it a job because it is the hardest job you’ll ever have as long as you live. It’s more than a job, though…it’s life.

How do we prevent burnout if we can’t technically clock out? How do we run the race at a steady pace without losing ourselves?

1.  We give ourselves permission to “clock out.”

   For a long time I used to feel like I was the only one who could give my children the proper care they needed. I also felt badly, like I was burdening a babysitter. I mean, my three children are mine in the good times and the bad. I needed to stop that. It is absolutely necessary to let go and take captive some much needed time away. Book the babysitter, and get some tips here. “Clocking out” can also take on the form of putting a movie in for the kids while you clean the kitchen in peace or say heck to the kitchen and grab a good book. Don’t feel guilty. A few chapters in a good book might be all you need to press onward toward bedtime routines. Another idea: color alongside your child if you can’t get a away. For a fantastic and hilarious adult coloring book, check these coloring pages out.

2. We prioritize our relationships.

   Sometimes I have to remember that my husband came before my children. Seriously. As crazy as it might sound, life before kids is a bit blurry. If I’m not careful, I could become so kidcentric that when my home becomes an empty nest, I might look at my husband and see a stranger. I don’t want this to happen, so I need to start making date nights with my husband a priority. If nothing else, putting the kids to bed a little bit earlier one night to do a “date night in” would suffice. One word: Netflix. Time with friends is also important. This could be a simple coffee date. Last week I met up with a friend at Starbucks, and I’m pretty sure I got more energy from discussing my dreams with a friend than I did downing the caffeine. Whether you’re with your significant other or a friend, establish a “no kid talk” boundary. While this might be a challenge, it is possible.

3. We trim down our schedules.

   I will be the first to admit that this is a tough one. I like to be busy. My children participate in a variety of activities, and it is enjoyable to see them try out new things and find their niche. There are a couple questions, however, that we should ask ourselves in this process: Are we living vicariously through our kids? Is your child enjoying the activity? Is your child pulling his/her weight and taking responsibility to complete the workbook or practice the instrument?  A couple years ago, I signed my oldest son up for drum lessons. He did express interest, but when it came time to practice each day, he didn’t look forward to drumming out the rhythms. There was grumbling and complaining. Guess who did enjoy practicing the drums? Yours truly. That’s when I decided to finish up the month I paid for and then pull him out. Drum lessons might happen down the road, but not today. I like to be busy, but you know what? I also like my sanity.

4. We begin a hobby or start a club.

   My hobbies include reading, writing, traveling, and shopping. The latter two might leave me in the red, so I’m going to focus on the former two. I used to be in a book club. It was amazing. More than discussing really great works of fiction and non-fiction, it gave me much-needed adult conversation. It was always one night a month where I could dress up and feel like a woman rather than a mother, if you get my drift. I had to take a leave of absence from the club after my third was born and haven’t been back since. This makes me sad, but I know that one day I might be able to jump back in or start my own! I also enjoy cooking when I don’t have a small child attached to my leg. The crock pot group I have been a part of has been a lifesaver. Go here to see how to get started.

5. We view our children through different lenses.

   I’ll admit it. It’s going to hurt, but here it goes: Sometimes I look at my children as burdens. I need to start looking at them as blessings. Anytime I dig myself into this pathetic hole, I remind myself of the millions of women who are crying tears at this very moment because they cannot have children. Yes, children are work. Yes, it might be the biggest sacrifice we make here on this Earth. Yes, they are going to push your buttons like nobody else does. They are, however, worth it. C.S. Lewis says this about parenting: “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are THE MOST important work.” Oh, that we might see our children as delights and not distractions! We are raising a generation. Chew on that for a second.

Throwing in the towel…or the washcloth…or the burp cloth is not an option, mamas. Stay the course and give yourself grace when the road gets rocky and parenting is the last thing you want to do. Remember that you aren’t just a mom. Allow yourself to have a life outside of changing diapers, packing lunches, and disciplining with time-outs. Be proactive rather than reactive. Make sure that you are filled up and taking care of yourself so that when your anger is triggered, you can better handle it. Finally, don’t let burn out take you out. Your family needs and counts on you.