My heart is thumping in my chest, I feel clammy. I want to drop to the ground and hold on for dear life, but every muscle in my body is frozen. I peer nine floors down from the balcony clutching my one-year-old daughter in my arms. That’s when I yell to my husband a panicked “Help!”
I was the one, after all, who booked this beachfront condo with the spectacular view of the ocean, right? I wanted to wake up, look from our balcony and see the sweeping vista of the sea. One problem. I am terrified of heights. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. There wasn’t a terrifying experience to prompt my irrational (and yet very real) fear. It’s just part of me.
Once I could think more clearly (on flat ground) I realized my fear could be my daughter’s fear. It never occurred to me until that moment that I could pass this on to her. And that scared me, too. Because I’ve seen it happen. A family friend is admittedly terrified of dogs. Guess what? Her children are afraid of them, too. I don’t want balconies, open staircases, elevators…even the nose bleed section of Neyland Stadium to send my daughter into panic mode. Or to have to rely, as I did, on calm and patient friends to help me negotiate “scary places.”
It turns out being aware of my fear is actually the first step to keep my daughter from inheriting my fear. Dr. Francine Rosenberg, a clinical psychologist and anxiety specialist at Morristown Memorial Hospital in New Jersey, told the Chicago-Tribune “You have to have a certain level of self-awareness.” The author of “Keeping Your Child in Mind,” Dr. Claudia Gold, has some boots on the ground suggestions. Explain to your child that your fear is not good for you. Then Dr. Gold said tell your child how you deal with your fear.
For me, that begs the question, how do I explain this to my one-year-old daughter? I’ve always said children are like dogs—they smell fear. Won’t she know? Once again, I find myself navigating the dark waters of parenting. Thankfully, I’m not afraid of the dark (any more). The good news? I haven’t caused any permanent damage yet. My daughter had no problem standing at the edge of our ninth floor beach balcony looking at the world below her. (I, on the other hand, nearly had a heart attack watching her.) Perhaps, one day, she’ll be the one to help her mother finally conquer her fear of heights for good.
Do you have a fear? How do you handle your fear around your children?
