For years — my whole life really — I have spent my time trying to make others happy. Sometimes by necessity, sometimes just because that is my nature. Through my son’s medical journey, I have found my voice as his advocate. I have learned how to speak up when I need to.
This has led me into my new phase which I call my “choosing happiness” era.
My mom has alway told me, “You are only as happy as you want to be.” That was a great lesson coming from the woman who passed down her people-pleasing nature to me. Looking back, I can’t help but think that maybe she needed to remind herself that as often as she needed to remind me.
Truth be told, we cannot rely on others for our happiness. I don’t mean others won’t make us happy, but no one can make you happy ALL the time. We are all human, and we all make mistakes and let our love ones down. Putting your entire happiness in someone else will, at some point, lead to disappointment.
Everything we experience on a daily basis gives us a choice. We can choose to look at the positive or the negative. It’s the glass half-empty or half-full metaphor. Sometimes that choice is easier than others. Sometimes that is a choice you have to fight with yourself to make.
Every morning, begin your day reminding yourself to choose happiness. If you are a mantra type person, find one that sparks that joy first thing in the morning and say, “I AM IN CHARGE OF HOW I FEEL AND TODAY I CHOOSE HAPPINESS!” or maybe more fitting to some people, “CHOOSE HAPPINESS, NOT VIOLENCE.” If all else fails, smile. Smiling can actually trick the brain into feeling happy. This puts a whole new meaning to smiling through the pain.
Does choosing your own happiness make you selfish?
Maybe, I don’t really know. But sometimes maybe you need to think of yourself. Day in and day out moms are put in charge of so much. We are constantly dealing with everyone else’s emotions. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing to take a step back and allow yourself some happiness. Maybe it will spread throughout the family and start to bring smiles to the faces you love.
Choosing to be happy does not make you immune from having a bad day; if anything, it always seems like when something starts to go right, the other shoe falls and you have a horrible day. Sometimes you just can’t be happy and that is okay. How unrealistic would it be for me to say deal with problems and always make yourself happy? Believe me, we face some truly scary and stressful things I simply cannot smile through, but I also won’t let it consume my life. You can give your sadness, stress, anxiety, or whatever negative emotion some time at the control panel, that is going to happen. But don’t let those emotions stay. Don’t let them control you entirely. If you need to, give it a time limit. Be sad for an hour, be sad for the length of your favorite guilty pleasure movie, or even a day or two if you need it. But after that time is up, let happiness back in control.
You may be wondering what gives me the right to talk about this. Who am I? Well, the best answer is I am a no one. That sounds a lot harsher than what I mean. I don’t have any credentials on this topic and I am not a therapist. I am simply a mom who is trying her best to make it through. A mom who is up in the middle of the night and choses to write down her thoughts. I am trying to not let all the daily scary and unhappy thoughts rule everything.
