Did your Thanksgiving go as expected? Mine didn’t. I experienced some turkey trauma, and it reminded me sometimes we need to lower our expectations in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.
This Thanksgiving wound up being rather weird for me. We celebrated on two different days with different sides of the family, and for both celebrations things went a little sideways. My rolls wound up being too dense to eat, my mom’s delicious strawberry jello salad wouldn’t set, and the best part? We attempted to smoke a turkey for my in-laws only to have the grill catch on fire, charring the bird. (On the bright side, I was able to salvage it and finish it in the oven, but when you see flames shooting up from your open grill, it can definitely cause a bit of panic!)
Sometimes the holidays just don’t seem to treat us right.
December is a month full of expectations, hopes, and dreams. As parents, I think we want to make dreams come true for our kids, even if it comes at the expense of dimming some of the magic of the season for ourselves. We stay up late wrapping gifts and putting together fancy toys, we go to events and see Santa and stand in the cold for parades while crowds push around us, we bake cookies and decorate gingerbread houses, and when it’s all said and done, we give wan smiles that promise next year will be different.
When things go sideways in the holidays, it’s easy for our fraying nerves to shred apart and our tempers to flare to hot fires, eager to lash out. I think we’ve all experienced this, whether on the giving or receiving end, and I doubt anyone ever wants to get so stressed out during “the most wonderful time of the year.”
If I’m being honest, sometimes I want to bury my head in the sand, skip the decorating and baking and buying, and just ride out Christmas covered in blankets while watching TV. So this year I’m giving myself permission to simply lower my expectations. And I’d like to extend that permission to you, too, if you need it.
As mom, I’m the magic-maker for my family. I create the holiday magic each year when I decorate the house and trim the tree. I bake magic into cookies and goodies we indulge in and share with others. I buy the gifts Santa gives and the extras from mom and dad, too, and then I send wishlists to the grandparents to help them decide what to get, too. I set up our calendar and fill it with delights all month long. And I’m tired.
Is it any wonder, then, that when things go sideways I get frustrated and – dare I say it – irritable?
When the family pictures consist more of frowns and outright tantrums, the visits to Santa end in tears, the cookies burn, and the pile of toys is promptly abandoned on the living room floor, the holidays feel less inviting. So I’m lowering my expectations this year. We aren’t going to do all the events. We might not even go see Santa. We only have a few things on our calendar for the kids to enjoy. We bought our gifts, and if the kids like them, great! If they abandon them soon after, that’s okay, too. It’s expected, even.
If the pictures aren’t full of smiling children with cheery, pink cheeks, at least they’ll have all of us in them. If the cookies burn, I can make another batch or even just fix it in the next pan I bake. If the kids melt down, we can slow down, turn around, and even leave because kids face stress in the holidays, too.
The magic of the holidays doesn’t have to be hitting all the highlights. Sometimes the magic of the holidays is just doing the things your family treasures without getting caught up in everything else. If that’s one trip to look at lights and a gingerbread house decorating contest, that can be just as magical as the time you went to six different Santa events and paid too much for pictures with “the real Santa and Mrs. Claus” and only got one halfway decent photo.
