I am much more relaxed now that I am almost four years into motherhood. I have some perspective. Don’t get me wrong, I still get worked up when I read mom’s blogs, Pinterest posts, or go to a play-date and another mom does something I haven’t even thought of. Headlines like, “Are you raising a problem solver?” “How to raise an internally motivated child,” “Help your child understand fairness,” and “The way you talk to your child becomes their inner voice” still send me into a tail-spin where my inner voice is screaming “Don’t screw this kid up lady!” Then I hear my kid say, “Mom, why is your face like that?” or “Chillax Mom” and I am brought back into this dimension.
I am brought into his perspective.
The real truth is, most of the time, I need the lessons from those headlines AND my toddler teaches them to me. Since motherhood, I am a better problem solver. I try harder to be nice, forgiving, and less judgmental. I am more motivated than ever to make my dreams a reality. I am more open to the unknown possibilities of life and love. I am reminded that I used to do this more often when I was his age, but somewhere along the way I forgot that little wispy haired, long-lashed, doe-eyed kid that used to ask her mom and dad the same curious questions over and over again.
This weekend I felt the air change from a staggering wall of August heat into the all-familiar fall crisp. With the weather, I physically felt myself change into a light-hearted more seasoned mom.
For a while, my family and I have been working on building a tree house. Something I never thought I would be doing. I also never thought we would finish it! We started in April and slowly but surely, my husband and I built the foundation. My son helped me little by little fasten the walls and boards with screws. Finally, this weekend we painted it. While working on it, my mind kept drifting into my inner voice:
This time last year, my marriage was not so hot. We found lots of opportunities to “burn” and blame each other and made little time to make love to each other. We are so much better now because love for our son helped us see that to work through problems we needed to start arguing, talking, forgiving, and being more open to possibility of the unknown in each other. Those first couple of years are HARD.
This time last year, I was not motivated. I felt like a big fat blob. In fact, I was overweight. To be honest, neither of us thought we would live this long or get this far in life to enjoy it. My son’s zest for life to run, jump, and hop on one foot has inspired me and my husband to make real habit changes. Since then, I have lost 20 pounds through real, regular exercise and nutrition (just portions…no fancy diet). My husband is also working it. “One day at a time,” “Have courage,” and “Slow and steady wins the race” are my new mantras.
This time last year, I had no vision. I thought, “Who is this lady?” “I used to be so cool. Where is my old sassy self?” Now I know that when I start thinking like this I need to chillax, take a time out, and find something creative to put my energy into. I am proud to say that now I am making my own time away from my fellas.
At some point, my kid pulls me back from my reflection. He is dripping paint everywhere, making a mess. At first, I want to tell him what not to do, teach him the proper way to paint, and then I realize I have paint on my face too—everywhere in fact. He is having a blast and so am I, despite and in fact of our chaos. He says, “Mom, look. It’s official. We’re artists.” I say, “Yes, we are.”
