The other morning, I hit the snooze button one too many times and it forced me and my little to run around the house like wild hyenas trying to get out the door by 7:35am. I managed to throw on some workout clothes, a sports bra, and some shoes (I’m just thankful they matched), and miraculously make it through the school zone in time to drop her off at the front door on time. Surely I am not the only Mom who has ever let out a deep sigh thinking “Thank God…” as you drive back home.
But it made me think: I was not a good Mom this morning.
There is typically a night (or two) a week that, by the time I get off work, pick my daughter up, get home, and make dinner…I am spent. Once homework is done, it’s time for playtime, right? Well, some days, I don’t fulfill that obligation. I let her entertain herself and I find myself blankly watching a Disney show or mindlessly scrolling through the entertainment of social media. Then it occurs to me as I’m laying in bed replaying the events of the day: I was not a good Mom tonight.
There are days in which I use more dry shampoo than brain cells.
There are days in which no meals are prepared meals.
There are days in which my patience is just non-existent.
There are days in which I am so preoccupied it’s shameful.
And all of those days make me feel like a really crappy Mom sometimes. I mean, we are our worst critics, after all. When I’m having one of those days, I inevitably walk by one of those Moms who just has it ALL together: kids are well behaved, Mom’s hair is done, makeup is perfect, and outfit looks meticulously planned out. In the meantime, my daughter is having a moment, my hair is in a dry shampoo bun, and I have workout clothes on, but I am clearly not on my way to or from the gym because my buggy contents consist of Oreos, milk, a magazine, ibuprofen, and a bottle of wine (thank you Tennessee for making my life more meaningful by putting wine in the same store as milk). That’s when you catch the other Mom’s stare and she smiles and nods.
Wait, what?
She gets it?
She has days like this too?
Thank God.
I surely tell myself daily that I have messed up in epic proportions, or I have failed as a Mom, or my friends are better Moms than me, and on, and on.
But you know what? I’m a good Mom.
I love my daughter with every fiber in me. I do the very best I can to be as involved in her life as I can be. But sometimes, I am stressed because of work. Sometimes, we miss church because I’m okay with just staying home and spending time together. Sometimes, I take her to the barre studio to hang out with her friend in the kids’ area so I can get an hour of “me” time to de-stress. Sometimes, I lose my patience a little too quickly, but she knows I’m not perfect — not anymore than she is. That other Mom in the store: she has the same days as I do, I just don’t see her because I am too focused on my own shortcomings.
Maybe we should try to see each other more. We are all running in different directions and rarely get a break from our roles as Doers of it All. And no one else really gets it except those of us that live it.
There are days when we all miss the women we were before we became Moms. When we could go have a martini after work with our friends or have mimosas at brunch on the weekends, or take off on a spur of the moment weekend trip with the girlfriends. We are all living different lives now, and we could all use a break sometimes. We would all be better off if we could stop telling ourselves that we are bad moms and start celebrating the fact that we are all actually great moms who all have a different script to live out.
