Every parenting duo has it. Someone that says “no,” someone that says “yes.” Good Cop: the one who caves in and gives the kids a later bed time, cookies for breakfast, a new toy. Bad Cop: the one who says no, that says it is bed time/nap time, and says no at Target. Good Cop is fun, Bad Cop is a buzz kill. Good Cop sounds great, but for the most part I am my family’s Bad Cop. And I’m not mad.
Here are a few reasons why I enjoy being Bad Cop:
1. I am the planner, the scheduler, the rule maker. I live and breath my kiddos. They are my alarm clock, the reason I eat make lunch everyday, and the reason I no longer work outside the home. So, being with them every minute of every day I know what works for them {and me}. An afternoon nap for the toddler? Yes. Bed time by 8pm? Yes. Tears have been shed and Good Cop {ahem, dad} gets a few more snuggles in hopes that he will cave and give her 30 more minutes. And here’s an interesting factoid: Good Cop works shift work, so he’s not always here for bed time. I can tell you that no tears are shed and no tantrums when he’s not here. Good Cops: You are getting played. Yeah, she’s mad at me for about 92 seconds before she’s sound asleep. And in the morning? “Mommy!!” {Her love for me isn’t tainted by making her go to bed last night and every night before that.}
2. Someone has to be Bad Cop, might as well be me? Eh, jury is still out on that, but again, the schedule works. If the sleep schedule gets disrupted, I am the one to deal with the consequences. If being Bad Cop makes life easier, sign me up. And I don’t see dad jumping for the title of Bad Cop.
3. When you are Good Cop, you are the bee’s knees. Ice cream cone for lunch? My daughter’s eyes light up. Maybe a new toy on a grocery run? Hot dog! {I know, I said I am always Bad Cop, but everyone wants to be Good Cop at some time!}
4. Respect. My 2 year old is always pushing boundaries and I want her to. I don’t want her to be a pushover but I also want her to realize the need to respect authority. I can tell that when I get down to her level and explain to her why she can’t do that or have this, she gets me. She knows that my no is a hard no. {Yeah, yeah, you are rolling your eyes and saying dream on lady. And I just said that she could have an ice cream cone for lunch. But, you get what I am saying.}
Being bad cop most of the time (without hubby stepping up) can be too overwhelming especially during the teenage years. My oldest is 16. I currently resent my husband and am looking up articles to keep our marriage from failing because of this. My family is falling apart and I’m tired of always being bad cop. My 3 oldest kids hate me. My husband never takes this bad cop role or helps me. He always plays good cop.
It worked in their toddler years. Not anymore.