Over the weekend, I left almost all of my facebook groups and I deleted the facebook app from my phone. Not for any noble, “I’m better than social media!” reason, but simply because I found that my parenting was being affected by strangers on a social media website.
For example: We needed to buy a new carseat for Jonah and I wasn’t sure if he was supposed to transition out of a five point harness or not. A few friends suggested I join a HUGE car seat advice facebook group to get advice from certified carseat techs on what seat would be best for him. So I did and they gave me great suggestions and we found our awesome new carseat and that was that.
Except it wasn’t. Because then the posts kept showing up in my feed and I read horrifying stories of sippy cups becoming projectiles that kill children and all about the tragedies that happen when children aren’t buckled in correctly, or when purses aren’t strapped into seat belts and all of a sudden, I’m afraid of everything.
And then there’s the natural parenting groups I was in. As well meaning as people are, sometimes comments and photos and blog posts come across as superior and judgy and if I didn’t fit the mold of what they were talking about, I felt like I was a terrible wife and mom and contributor of society. I started letting other people’s opinions of what parenting should look like affect the decisions I was making. To get some invisible trophy for being Susie Granola Supermom or something.
So I did a massive facebook cleanse. I deleted friends and left groups and holy WOAH. It’s like the clouds have lifted. I’ve stopped looking over my shoulder and questioning every single thing I do. I’ve relaxed a lot more, and while I still give the carseat a vigorous wiggle check every now and then, I feel so much better.
I’m not sure when I started caring what strangers, who would never meet me or see me actually parent, thought about what I was doing. Like there’s some secret society that checks in on you to make sure you’re breastfeeding and not feeding your kids McDonald’s and that you’re not on your phone when you take your kids to the playground.
So if you’re a facebook group junkie like me, and those groups make you feel like you’re not doing something right, or on the reverse, that you’re better than anyone doing things differently, it might be time to make your exit. Don’t let what other people (online or offline) dictate how you will parent and live your life. Not worth it. I mean…are we even sure these people know what they’re talking about? Just saying.
I’m learning that my online life doesn’t need to have any affect on my real life. At least, not so much so that it keeps me up all night and gives me ulcers. Seriously. I don’t miss those groups. Never going back. I like my cups in cup holders and my fries crispy, thank you very much.
I’ve learned to avoid online parenting groups. Sometimes the way people feel better about themselves is to judge and trash the way other parents do things.
The labels tend to squick me out, too. Natural parenting is weird because the opposite would be, what? Unnatural parenting? And I am pretty sure I practice attachment parenting because I have had a small child continuously attached to my leg for the last seventeen years.
I think the one exception I would make for online groups would be for unusual medical issues, but even then, I’d pick and choose. The good stories, the happy endings, rarely make it to the internet.
Good luck with your group-purge! Want to discuss some natural parenting over some chicken nuggets? I’m game.
Yes please! I love me some chicken nuggets!
I do like some of the “general” Facebook groups for the parenting/social networking aspect, arranging playdates, events going on the area for kids, etc. I did, however, learn my lesson from when I was pregnant about other types of forums and unnecessary advice by joining a birth month “group” on thebump.com. That’s a mistake I’ll never make again!
This happened to me when I was pregnant and trying to buy cloth diapers used online. I thought I needed to own hundreds in every print, colour, and size. I also thought I would only be a good mom if we wore only cloth every single day of the year, even while camping. Props to those mommas but no thanks for this family.
But the ads on your blog are selling me private schools and invisible braces and dance and music lessons… Those things saturate our every move, not just social media.
wonderful insight. Really enjoyed reading this blog.
Keep up the good work and to everyone keep on learning!
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