Competitive sports start very young. Too young. At an age where kids should be playing a variety of sports, feeling out their interests and talents, parents are being asked to make some very big decisions. If a kid shows even the slightest bit of athletic ability, they are encouraged to join expensive club teams, jump on accelerated tracks, or invest in private coaching. The lure of college scholarships and even Olympic fame loom large and entice us. Sometimes even the threat of not making the high school team in an increasingly competitive society is enough to get parents pondering the right moves to support their child’s athletic endeavors.
How do we decide if we should go for it? How do we make such big decisions when our kids are too small to tell us themselves?
I’ve always had a gut feeling that my daughter could be a great gymnast. She is petite, yet powerful. At 2.5, she has already caught the eye of three different coaches at different gyms AT BIRTHDAY PARTIES, not to mention casual observations from other parents. At 18 months she pulled herself up on a bar and started to try to do a hip circle. She glides across the balance beam as if it is any ordinary expansive surface. The coaches’ jaws drop and I get comments like “wow, she is a natural.” I’ve had several friends who have been confronted with a similar situation. Some chose the competitive track and others didn’t. I completely understand both sides, but have been internally beating myself up over this decision.
In most sports, athletes have time to peak. A fast runner, a strong swimmer, an all-around athletic person will always have opportunities. But in a sport like gymnastics, particularly women’s gymnastics, you have to decide their fate before they can give much input. Olympic gymnasts generally start at 3-4 years of age and get on the competitive track rather quickly. Sometimes it is pretty obvious. If you and your husband are both over six feet tall, you probably don’t have to worry about focusing on gymnastics. Just like I won’t be anticipating an NBA career for mine.
Am I willing to make the sacrifices it takes? Can I justify the cost, the time, the pressure? Do I really want to control her destiny? Do I want to subject her to the same sport 3+ times a week when she isn’t even three? Am I ready to commit to driving to practice several times a week while also finding positive activities for my other kids? Am I ready to sacrifice all of that precious family time? Do I want her to be pushed that hard at such a young age? Do I want to pigeon hole her into one sport at a time when she should also be exploring soccer, dance, or simply running around in the backyard?
In reality, the odds of her becoming an Olympian are beyond slim. But what if? What if I don’t sign her up and she discovers a love for it too late to perfect her talent? I don’t want to force her, but what if she resents me for denying her this opportunity? I mean, I’ve already failed her by the sheer timing of her birth. She won’t be eligible until the 2032 Olympics, and she will be 18. She will have a harder time fighting to compete in a second Olympics. (Although there is hope in Oksana Chusovitina, the woman who competed in her 7th Olympics at age 41! )
This parent guilt is real!
Of course with any situation like this, there is no right or wrong answer. The right decision is the one that works best for the individual and his/her family. I personally have come to this conclusion: While being a top athlete isn’t my goal for her, the worst thing I can do is to deny her the possibility. So I guess the first step is to sign her up for a toddler class and see if she even likes it!! I imagine in a year or so it will become pretty obvious if she enjoys it and shows serious potential. It will still give her time to find other sports and hone her craft, whatever it may be. If you avoid something out of fear of the outcome, you might miss out on something truly incredible.
THE OLYMPICS WOULD BE AMAZING. A COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP, PHENOMENAL. BUT FINDING SOMETHING THAT MAKES THEM FEEL CONFIDENT, WORK HARD, AND DEVELOP HEALTHY HABITS IS THE TRUE GOLD MEDAL.
When you think about it, every decision we make every single day impacts our child’s fate. Sending them to the right school, how we teach them at home, how we talk to them, the values we instill. In the end, we just have to believe that we are doing the best we can, making the decisions that work best for our families.
This was awesome, thank you for being so real and open about the questions that run through your mind.
Thank you! I’m glad someone enjoys my neurotic thoughts 🙂
We chose competitive sports for one child because it was obvious to us that she thrives in that environment. She enjoys the process of it (most of the time) and works hard to improve. Our other child made it obvious early on that team sports was not for him so after age 8, we just worked on keeping him active. Our only family rule is that once you start that sport, you commit for the season. I will say that if your child chooses gymnastics, just know that can be an all consuming sport. My daughter was a competitive gymnast for 6 years and for 3 of those years (optional level), she practiced 20 hours a week even during the school year. It seemed crazy to do, but she gained so much from the experience that we have no regrets about time spent. I would say that the key in all this is to encourage the process, do not dwell on the outcome. Sports can teach kids of all abilities so much and give them tools to excel in other parts of their lives. Good luck!
Thank you so much for this amazing feedback. Right now I can’t even begin to imagine 20 hours per week! I completely agree with your last statement- sports are so important for all kids of all abilities.