You hear stories on the news all the time about kids being bullied. Before my kids started school I would think how crazy those stories sounded, especially considering how many years were ahead of us before we’d have to deal with those issues. Boy were we in for a surprise and heartbreak as we tried to explain other’s actions to our 6 year old. Yes, 6 year old!!
We had our first touch of bullying in kindergarten. And as a parent, there are few things as heartbreaking as your child telling you they were called “stupid.” IN KINDERGARTEN!! I was shocked, needless to say. From our side of it, we had always talked to our kids about trying to treat others how we wanted to be treated. So here we were trying to explain that sometimes kids can just be mean and will say mean things to others. We decided to advise her to steer clear of said “bully” and find other friends to play with. We also realized we were going to have to start laying the foundation on how you can’t choose how others treat you, but you can choose how you react to them.
We made it through the remainder of the year with nothing more than a few words being said here and there. Luckily we were blessed in that our daughter would keep us abreast of what was happening at school. This would allow us to discuss it and talk about how it made her feel, and also why she shouldn’t treat anyone else that way. A shining moment came when she told us she had started playing with another girl in class that didn’t have a lot of friends and because it was a nice thing to do. Talk about proud parent moment!!
On to first grade, and new issues. This time it went beyond just words. Let me remind you, this is still with 6 or 7 year old kids. All I can say about this is that girls can be mean. Boys seem to work out their issues physically, girls on the other hand seem to go with the emotional manipulation. What started as a “if you don’t do this I’m not going to be your friend” threat quickly turned into “if you don’t do this, I’m going to kick your mom in the face.” And yes those were the exact words said to my daughter…talk about lighting a fire in her momma!! Of course that had to be on the inside; outside I wanted to remain calm and reassure her that no matter what was said, no one was going to kick her mommy in the face.
At this point the line was crossed and I was going to step in. We, my husband and I, had been trying to teach her how to handle these problems on her own. Using her words to work out her problems (I’m sure we’ll have to deal with the physical side of it when our son hits school). So, teacher conference it was. It was refreshing how quickly things were taken care of and how quickly they changed. The teachers were immediately able to step in and control the situation. Crisis adverted.
So after going through all of this in just the first year and half of school has definitely changed my thoughts on bullying. This is a real issue that is happening way more than what we see on the news. If it makes it to the news it has gone way beyond a few words. The other thing, it starts earlier than you can ever think. Don’t let your guard down on your kids; it can happen when you least expect it.
Have your kids ever been bullied? Do you have advice to share on dealing with it?
With all the technology and social media I worry for my boys as they get older. It’s different than when we grew up…b/c so many kids can now bully behind a computer or phone.
That is a REALLY good point, Natalie!
We actually had an issue with a kid hitting Jeffery in preK! I was so shocked! I was even more shocked when our getting involved didn’t seem to make a difference. So glad your experience was different! I’ve learned that I have to be proactive, asking about his day, and sometimes pull the info out. Boys just don’t talk much, lol. But luckily, that means it didn’t bother him much either.
I had two boys that were incredibly mean to me on the playground as a elementary school student. Both of those grew up to be men that ended up in jail on various charges. Keep training your child in the way she should go and being awesome. You are doing a great job!
*an elementary school student, not a, sorry!
We just keep trying to instill the “treat other how you want to be treated” but it’s hard when others don’t seem to understand that concept!
My daughter is starting Kindergarten next year and this is not the first case of K/1st grade bullying I’ve heard about. So sad!!