Body After Baby

Once upon a time, I was a size zero, skinny as a rail, and could pretty much eat whatever I wanted without making a dent on the scale. The scale I watched vigorously because I was kind of obsessed with my body image. I was never more insecure than when I was a super skinny little thing. Even as an adult, I struggled with feeling fat, feeling too skinny, and feeling inferior to whomever I chose to compare myself that day. And then I started having babies and everything changed.

I don’t think anyone ever told me that creating children would forever change my physique. I knew I’d gain weight and get stretchy skin in all the wrong places, but I think I just kind of naively assumed everything would bounce back to normal right away. I was appalled that I still had a belly when I left the hospital after my first son was born. I was mortified when I was still chubby a few months later. I had the hardest time getting the weight off. You know how people say nursing helps you lose weight faster? It’s a lie. It does not. I held on to 10 extra pounds until after Jonah (my oldest) was done nursing. I spent that first year postpartum struggling with my body image and trying to fit into some mold I thought was ideal. It was just ridiculous. I beat myself up so much that I gave up and just gave into the chubbiness. I was lazy, a little depressed, and super indulgent. I was a mess, to say the least. Not that I ever got super huge. I don’t want you to think I’m one of those skinny girls that’s so annoying cause they’re like, “Oh mah GAWD look at the 1 inch of fat I can grab with my fingers!!” Ha. But I think everyone has their own normal, and no matter what size you are, every woman has dealt with feeling insecure and ugly.

From right to left : Me at my smallest (90 pounds. YIKES.), at my biggest, and now–at my new normal.

It wasn’t until after my second little boy was born that I fully embraced my new body. I wore a skin tight shirt the day I brought him home from the hospital and totally rocked that empty belly jiggle. I felt amazing. I was so proud of myself for what I had just accomplished. I knew I didn’t look fabulous, but I felt FIERCE. A couple days after he was born, I discovered the stretch marks on the underside of my belly. I wasn’t able to see them before because I was so huge. When I saw them for the first time, I didn’t cringe or immediately run for the cocoa butter. I smiled. Legit. I was proud. They’re fading now, but I refer to them as my battle scars. I love them and I hope they never fully go away.

My hips are wider, my boobs are bigger (and saggier), my butt is flatter, and my skin is stretchier, but I’ve never been more confident in this new mama body of mine. Women’s bodies are AMAZING. We create life. We grow humans and then birth them out of us. It’s kind of a big deal. Of course we have to take care of ourselves, get to a healthy weight, eat right, exercise…all that jazz. But if your body never goes back to the way it was, don’t sweat it. It is what it is, ya’ll. Things shift, drop, stretch, and swell. It’s ok. You’ll never be happy with your body until you stop comparing yourself to other women or to your previous self. You are beautiful and amazing and perfect. PERIOD.