Baby Sitter Envy

I have “baby sitter envy.”

Recently, I read this sweet (ahem, naive) article about how baby sitter envy is when a parent feels as if they will miss their baby’s milestones when someone else is caring for their child, that their baby will get attached to the baby sitter and not them, or that their kid will just not be able to handle life without them. This is NOT what I mean when I say baby sitter envy.

Here is how baby sitter envy works for me: I see pictures on social media. So and so is out and about with their adoring lover having amazing food and they are all smiles. I feel a twinge of jealousy. See below for said picture:

I envy people who can easily find and use a baby sitter.

I am going to be 100% honest here: I am also resistant to getting a baby sitter. I have done some soul searching here to identify why I am resistant. When my kid was an infant, a large part of my resistance was really hormonal. I did not want to be far from him for long. Then I was reluctant because I didn’t want to pay someone AND pay to have an amazing night out where we cram in all the stuff we don’t do with our kid. Over time, the resistance really boiled down to excuses: I just don’t want to burden anyone, so and so didn’t really mean they would baby sit, that date is last minute, if my husband wants to do that then he can find the baby sitter, I don’t trust that person, blah, blah, blah.

The real deal is that my hubby and I need to get out together. It is good for us and nourishes our relationship. The other reality is that the more people our child loves, the healthier our child is going to be.

I am vanquishing baby sitter envy. On-guard and touché. Fisticuffs.

First, I am reaching out. I started with our Knoxville Moms Blog contributors because they are the experts! KMB shared great, thoughtful tips that I will share throughout this post.

My three questions to the group (and you, the reader) are:

1. Do you have ideas on how to find a baby sitter?

2. Do you have baby sitter screening tips?

3. What is the going rate for a baby sitter?

Finding a baby sitter can seem like an insurmountable first step. We do not have family that is close by and some of you may have aging parents or unreliable good-for-nothing relatives that you certainly don’t want to baby sit your kid.

A few creative, cost-conscious options for baby sitting include:

• Staff at your day-care (pro: they are already trained AND often know how to manage multiples)
• Folks from church (pro: your beliefs often match up)
• Office-mates (if you are a SAHM, perhaps your partner’s office or an office-mate of a family member. A word of caution might be to avoid someone you or your partner supervise because that could get sticky)
• Mom’s day/parent’s night out (often churches offer these and I recently saw one for ages five and up at the Basement Art Studios)
• Other moms from play groups
• Other parents from daycare/school
• Neighbors
• Sorority Sisters/Brothers
• Set-up a regular time with friends/family (for us, we have second Sundays from 12-4pm)
• Co-op baby sitting (this is where you trade off kids with another parent and swap date nights)
• Baby sitting share (this is where you and another family share the cost of a baby sitter)
• Share a get-away (an idea might be to go in on a hotel and trade times at the pool or area attractions)
• Cash in on those friends/family who have offered
• Search your social media (like Facebook or Instagram) and see who might be a good candidate and ask them
• Brainstorm a list with your partner
• Use a service or application like Care.com, Sittercity.com, Care4hire.com, Craigslist, or SmileMom app

The beauty of using a baby sitter service or someone from your daycare is that they are typically pre-screened for history of abuse/criminal record and they have certifications like CPR and First Aid. Be sure to check the fine print on services to see if this is offered. If you want to see if a person you are considering has been found negligible, go to the State Department of Health website. You can use this link.

A lot of other parents use folks they know for baby sitting or word-of-mouth and do not really feel the need to screen. I would err on the side of caution and still ask some key screening questions.

General tips for screening a baby sitter include:

• Getting references (like other families they have baby sat for or previous supervisors)
• Meeting face-to-face first at a neutral and maybe even public place (you might not want them to know where you live right out of the gate)
• Interview with meaningful questions to your situation. Care.com, SitterCity.com, and Care4hire.com have helpful interview guides that detail questions to ask
• Check out their social media and maybe even Google them
• ALWAYS go with your gut! (If you have a bad feeling there is usually a reason why!)
• Continue to monitor the baby sitter to see if they are still a good fit. I am cautious and do a check-in with my little one after baby sitting visits, to make sure that I am not overlooking a red flag that could be child abuse (which often happens by folks you know). I wait until the baby sitter has left and ask questions like: Did everything go alright? Would you have X back over to be your baby sitter? What do you like most when X is your baby sitter?

As I mentioned earlier, one of the biggest deterrents is simply the cost of a baby sitter. Like a lot of other parents I know, I feel guilty spending money on a baby sitter and a blow-out-the-budget date extravaganza. The truth is, though, paying a baby sitter a fair rate is important to show that you value them and to encourage quality care. The other reality is that we do not have to have an extravaganza for our date night and can keep it simple; the biggest joy is often in the “small” gestures. KMB contributor, Caitland, suggests a lot of great ideas for date night in Knoxville and a few other City Moms Blog Sister Sites have great ideas too (check their feeds here).

Baby sitter rates cover a wide range, including:

• $10/hour
• $12/hour
• $15/hour
• Whatever the daycare rate per hour is ($8.50—$12)
• Some parents pay for the day rather than by hour
• Some parents modify the rate based on whether there are multiple kids (ex: $10 per hour for one, $12 for two children, $15 for three children)
• Or based on which kids are being baby sat. Higher rates are typically given if the child is younger or has more needs
• Some baby sitters will charge a flat fee for a regular service, like $75 for three instances in a week
• Other considerations on determining pay depend on week-day versus nights and weekends
• Some parents will also pay more as they use a baby sitter more and/or the baby sitter adds in extras like check-ins and pictures

No more baby sitter envy for me.

I have started putting dates on the calendar!

KMB wants to hear your answers to finding a baby sitter, screening, and pay rates. Please share your thoughts in the comments.