Sometimes during my working mom years, I would be out and about during the day for work purposes. Something I frequently remember thinking was, Who are all these people? and What are they doing during the day that they aren’t stuck in an office all day like me? Some of those people were probably retired or independently wealthy or maybe it was their day off, but some of them fell into the category in which I now find myself: a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).
I didn’t mean to quit my job.
Yes, my husband and I checked our budget every so often to see if we could afford for me to stay home, but at the time, we were working really hard to pay off student loans and build our savings to move into a bigger home one day and have another kid. And when I thought about it, I really enjoyed working. I liked what I did, I loved the people I worked with, and my oldest son loved his daycare. So when we were finally in our new house and a couple of weeks out from the arrival of our second child, the phone call informing us that we did not have a spot at the daycare we thought my son would go to, changed our lives. At that time, Knoxville and the surrounding areas were in a daycare crisis — there simply was nowhere else to go. With much sadness and a little relief, I informed my office I would not be returning after maternity leave. My son was born a week early, and that was that!
All of the sudden, I was home full-time with a newborn and a four-year-old for the first time. It wasn’t hard to fill our days — kids will do that for you whether you have a plan or not! — but there were a few things I wasn’t expecting that I have found interesting over the last two years of my SAHM era:
My time is no longer monetized.
This might be one of my favorite things. No one gets judgy if they think I took too long going to the bathroom (teachers you feel me?) except my kids. No one fusses if I take longer than 30 minutes to eat my lunch. I can step outside and walk in the sunshine any time I want to. I can quit one task and move on to another, and I don’t have to answer to anybody but myself about how or why I did it. When it’s time to take a family vacation, I don’t have to put in for PTO months before. When my toddler is sick, I don’t have to decide if I can afford to take the day off and keep him home from daycare. What a relief!
I still need to be productive, contribute to family finances, and see people.
I may not answer to bosses any longer, but I still have an internal drive to be a productive and contributing member of society and my family. For me this meant starting my own small business after a year of being home. My oldest had started school, and my second baby was surprisingly easygoing. Running my own business keeps my workplace skills sharp and involves me in my community in a way that allows me to make people happy and make a little money too. The other way I challenge myself to contribute to our family financially is by seeing how savvy of a saver I can be. It wasn’t easy for me to mentally transition from a two income family to one, and it’s fun to see how I can finagle our grocery budget, find deals on things we need, and keep on top of things like our insurance and retirement accounts. It’s important to note however that SAHMs do not have to do these things to be important to their community. I have watched my own mom who has stayed home ever since I was born and realized that SAHMs are sort of a glue for our society, a force that keeps things stable in a way that others don’t get to do simply because they aren’t available during daytime hours.
Discovering our community.
When I was working the old 9-5 so to speak, I didn’t realize what I was missing out on. Our hometown happens to be Oak Ridge, just outside of Knoxville, and wow, what a vibrant city it is during the day! The library is doing incredible things with its children’s programs. Mom groups are meeting at the parks and in church gyms. Retirees and dog moms and kid moms are all walking together on the walking paths. Coffee shops are full of men and women talking about all manner of things while they caffeinate. There’s a whole world out there that you just don’t know about when you’re a working mom! It’s almost like entering a different society, and although it takes a little while to feel like you belong there, the other SAHM moms have a lot in common with you and are very welcoming. If you suddenly find yourself in this position, my best advice is to join your local mom group on Facebook. That’s a great place to see what’s going on and who’s meeting up where.
I didn’t know two years ago where my unexpected SAHM mom journey would take me and I still don’t know what lies in my future. But I do know that I have found a new kind of courage in being the master of my own daily destiny and feel extremely grateful for this time with my kids during these ages and stages. It might not last forever, but I’m going to enjoy every day while I can! (Not every moment…I have two kids after all!)
I am so glad you stayed at home. It can be hard financially and mentally but I told you it would be worth it. That time is something you will never get back. Love you!
Thank you Kelly, you did tell me and you were absolutely right!! Love you!