1. I will stop talking myself out of working out. I will stop pretending my son’s ball blew away so I don’t have to chase him manically down the street in pursuit of him and said ball. I will relish the sheer delirium of a toddler playing out in the elements and stop focusing on how cold my toes have gotten.
2. I will finally leave a Stride Rite store with shoes that actually fit my son, not just because the store associates have told me they do, but because I own eyes and the distinguishable hobbling my son is demonstrating upon walking looks a little fishy to me.
3. I will no longer be considered a Chick-fil-A customer who is known immediately upon catching sight of the family vehicle, and on a first name basis. Seriously.
4. I will never again physically hold my two year old hostage on the couch until they relent and mutter the words “I love you,” if only to regain an acceptable amount of personal space. Or bribe them with a cookie to say it. I won’t do that either.
5. I will just go ahead and give up on freezing all the chocolate/candy in our home under the deluded assumption that I won’t binge eat it in it’s stone cold, teeth shattering state.
6. I will monitor my son’s tablet time like a military general, and two more minutes definitely won’t ever accidentally turn into fifteen minutes because I got sucked into something brain numbing on daytime TV.
7. I will stop staying up so late that I wake up on death’s door and drowning in regret in the morning. Even if it is the only alone time I get nowadays. Like, ever.
8. I will never stop hating my husband exponentially more with every satisfied, deep sleep snore he makes. Particularly when I am up for the fourth time nursing a mega-baby (seriously, he’s huge) during the dreaded four month sleep regression. Because I love him. Don’t let the gritted teeth fool you.
9. I will refrain from impulsively buying cute nik-naks for my kids throughout the year. Sure, I turn incurably gooey every time my little one squeals with joy at the mere suggestion of Snoopy, but I will at the very least, try to keep the crazy and my bank card in check until birthdays and Christmas roll around. Even if it’s on sale and my son’s adorable character obsessions are so heartbreakingly short lived. Sigh.
10. I will relinquish as much frustration as I physically can over the inadequacy I feel in not reaching certain personal goals right now, especially since there are just not enough hours in the day. I wouldn’t exchange my role in raising my kids for all the professional success in the world, but secretly I crave both so very much. “Slowly slowly, catchy monkey” and I will meet those goals one day, just probably not tomorrow. Or the day after that.
11. I will carve out more date nights with the love of my life. Because we both miss the simple things in life (read: good conversation, a good local brew, and no particular time to be home by.) Defrost the breast milk, we’re hitting the town babe.
12. I will stop fixating on the remote possibility of having a third child. Even though we have a five month old and a toddler, and I couldn’t even imagine keeping another tiny person alive right now. Slow down ovaries, you’re not making any sense right now.
I thought these were supposed to be realistic? Haha. Good luck!