Dear Nick Jr.,
I want to start my correspondence by telling you this: had it not been for some of the very shows I am writing you about, I wouldn’t have been able to take a shower since 2011. I wouldn’t have ever been able to use my stove to cook a single meal, nor could I have taken the dogs into the yard for a hot second to potty. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to lock myself in the bathroom for five minutes of alone time as to not end up on the 6 o’clock news…because toddlers.
However.
Some of your programming is, well, to borrow a word from the 90s…whack, and I have some questions for you regarding a few stand outs in your lineup.
First, I express my true worry for Dino Dan. Does anyone else see these dinosaurs roaming all about the Canadian wilderness? Or is it just Dan? Are his friends worried for him? Does his mother lay awake and cry at night, alarmed that her son may not be seeing dinosaurs, but that perhaps he has a mental disorder? I imagine Dan is either really onto something here and will grow up to make a Jurassic Park type place, or end up like Russell Crowe’s character in A Beautiful Mind, disillusioned and confused upon finding that he actually isn’t seeing dinosaurs and may just sort of need to chill. Or talk to someone. Or whatever.
Next, I just really need to ask you this. Like. So much: WHERE ARE MAX AND RUBY’S PARENTS? Are they dead? Are they in bunny witness protection? Did bunny child services come and intervene? WHERE. ARE. THEY? Yes, Ruby seems to be a pretty capable young bunny woman considering she is raising her brother and excelling at school and extra curricular activities, but WHERE IS HER MOM? Why do all the bunny townspeople turn a blind eye TO THE TWO CHILDREN WHO ARE ALWAYS ALONE? And what about their grandma? What’s her story? Does she have bunny custody? Does she know something we don’t know? Just please, for the love of everything good and holy, someone tell me where these grown up bunnies are.
Third, riddle me this: why doesn’t anyone in Adventure Bay seem even REMOTELY alarmed that the sole security force for the ENTIRE town is a bunch of talking dogs who can not only drive heavy machinery, but who can also fly, and who are governed by another parentless kiddo (who actually has his crap way more together than like 80% of the town)? My dogs, no matter how much I talk to them, do not say any words back to me. They also can’t drive. I feel like this is setting our kids up for some hard core issues relating to what our pets are capable of. Just an FYI. Oh, and why can the mayor not handle ANY situation that pops up without the Paw Patrol? How does she always lose her purse chicken?! (Okay. I will give her that. My purses are so big I could actually ride in one and I never know where anything is…but still. You’d think a chicken would be a little more unruly than some lipgloss). Anyway, just like Max and Ruby over there, where are Ryder’s parents? Why do the Paw Patrol pups talk, but Callie Cat and Chickaletta do not? I need to understand so much about this town, these dogs, and the leadership. Help me Nick Jr. Please. Help me here.
Finally, I will close by asking you this: how old is Sponge Bob? I’m guessing somewhere around my age (since I used to watch him as a child) and how does he keep his pineapple so fresh under the sea? I mean, that thing has to be like 20 years old by now. Also, how did a crab wind up with a whale for a daughter? Like, an ACTUAL whale? I have seen a crab. I have seen a whale. I am very confused.
Thank you so much for your time. Please take none of these shows off the air ever, as I need to continue bathing at least semi-regularly.
Yours for what seems like forever,
Ashley
Right? My daughter is semi (read REALLY) obsessed with Paw Patrol right now. She sings it in bed before she falls asleep, she has a stuffed Marshall that she takes EVERYWHERE, and it is her only go-to cartoon right now. My darling hubby and I are bleary-eyed watching the “ghost one” repeatedly. But she loves it, and (according to Nick Jr.) she is learning problem-solving and becoming a helpful part of her community. While I am unsure about that last part… it helps me sleep at night. Thanks for the post!
Right?! We went through a Pups Get a Rubble phase last year and I seriously think I could quote that episode. When my oldest was little it was all Backyardigans all the time. I mean. What are those things even? Glad you liked it 🙂
You left out some of my most pressing issues…. most notably with Bubble Guppies. Why would mermaids need a fire department? Why would they need a helicopter to get a merkitty out of a tree? Couldn’t everyone just swim up or down? Why is there a whole separate boat/ocean under the sea? How exactly would one create prismatic light effects under the ocean?
YES!!! I was watching that today and it was storming and I was like. Wait. Rain? But in the ocean? ?
About Dino Dan….. It runs in the family!!!! In the new season Dan is with his dad and Trek sees dinosaurs too!!!!
And don’t forget the good OLD Dora!!!!!! A talking map? A never ending supply AND talking backpack? Which she always had the right thing in there! Could backpack read the future? Did Dora find the fountain of youth in one of her adventures or its just good genes?
My kid has been obsessed with bubble guppies, Dino Dan, paw patrol and many more!!!! This is a great post! Can’t wait to show my husband!
I’m not Nick Jr. But I can probably answer for them…it’s called cartoons. Like our young ones we also grew up with them and turned out just fine. Adult movies pose the same question how can a human being get bit by a spider and instead of having a blister in the chronic skin be able to shoot a web from his hand and jump off of the highest building the world. I think God every day for Nick Junior.