When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted “to be” when I grew up, I always just said a wife and mother, but it seemed they always asked about what career I wanted. To me, that was so incredibly secondary to what I REALLY wanted to be that it didn’t seem worth mentioning. So to say that marrying my high school sweetheart and becoming a mother was amazing to me, would be putting it mildly. I’m living my childhood dream. THIS is what I wanted TO BE when I grew up.
I loved being pregnant. I loved having a newborn. I loved chunky baby thighs and watching them become more aware of their surroundings. I loved having a toddler that said the cutest little words and laughed at my funny faces. I loved watching them learn to read and write and really start to express themselves. I loved when they learned to ride a bike, cook food in the microwave, and master so many “big kid” skills. I loved when they started choosing their own hairstyles and buying clothes they liked (although sometimes I questioned those choices!).
Here’s the thing: I have seriously loved all those stages, but I don’t want them back. I feel as if I am supposed to constantly mourn their younger stages. As a Mom, I’m supposed to always say how fast they are growing and that I want them to stop and stay little forever.
But now I have teenagers. They smell weird most of the time and eat every snack food in the house. They sleep long hours and get attitudes on the regular. I still love spending time with them now too. Talking, laughing, playing games or enjoying the outdoors. I love it. They are 12- and 14-years-old. We have great conversations. We tell jokes or discuss world events. I’m not saying that the teenager in them doesn’t come out pretty frequently too, but overall, I really enjoy them at this stage too.
And don’t get me wrong, I sometimes reminisce about different stages and how I loved each one. But the new adventures and the changes we are all going through as a family with “older” kids? Those are pretty fantastic too. I really, really enjoy my family now and I look forward to the milestones we will hit together.
I can’t wait for high school (this school year) and driving, and college, and all the wonderful memories that a childhood almost complete brings. I can’t wait to see what my kids choose for careers and the spouses they choose. One day, I’ll even be ready to be a Grandma (but after several years as empty-nesters first, I hope).
I have enjoyed every (ok not every, but you get it) moment we have had and I do not need them back. So bring on the new ones! My love for my kids and my life with them will NOT disappear as they age. It will change. And that’s A-Ok by me. Bring on every age and stage in this life. I’m excited and I am ready!
I would love to have your attitude. I have been struggling the past year with time grief. My kids are turning 8 and 6 and I see kids graduating now that I once knew at that age and I feel like time is running out on me. I face the thought of living without them and also my own mortality almost every day. I have talked to a therapist and started journaling and it’s helped some but still have days where I really struggle. I just love them so much and love all the experiences we have and I don’t want them to end.